


Just Don't Forget To Think Of Me

by xonceinadream



Category: Glee
Genre: Emotional Infidelity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:40:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 33,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24886999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xonceinadream/pseuds/xonceinadream
Summary: When Blaine and Kurt returned to New York, married and ready to begin their life together, Blaine thought it was going to be okay. They would talk through their problems, be mature about this, love each other. It felt like the rings on their fingers meant nothing, like they just couldn't be happy, couldn't stop fighting.Then, on his first day of classes, Blaine ran into Sebastian at a coffee shop on campus. And suddenly, Blaine remembered what it was to be wanted. While his marriage to Kurt was breaking down and he was trying to hang on too tight, Sebastian helped him see exactly what he needed. And it wasn't the man he had married.Prompt: College for Day 1 of Seblaine Week
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 20
Kudos: 81
Collections: Seblaine Week 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Don't Throw It Away by Jonas Brothers.
> 
> If it's something that bothers you, Blaine and Kurt are married through the entirety of it. The last part of the last chapter is a time skip and they are divorced by then. There's no physical infidelity. Blaine doesn't fall in love with Sebastian because his marriage is ending. They're two separate events that happen concurrently. And while the focus is on Blaine/Sebastian and the relationship they slowly come to terms with wanting to build, Blaine's marriage and his feelings for Kurt play a big part. 
> 
> Happy Seblaine Week!
> 
> (Also: for those who are sensitive right now, it does contain a few very brief mentions of Santana in terms of Kurt/Blaine and Brittany/Santana's shared wedding/anniversary.)

Another argument. Another slammed door.

Blaine winced as the pictures hanging next to the front door rattled with the force of Kurt’s anger. It would inevitably spark another passive aggressive note by their next-door neighbor - their third one this week. Julia was a nice, older woman who had hated them since the first week in their new apartment when they’d yelled at each other at 3 am because Blaine had dared move some of Kurt’s clothes to try to fit more of his into the closet.

Their new apartment was smaller than the loft which meant they argued even more than they had when they’d lived together the first time. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. They were supposed to be better about everything, argue less, love more, now that they were married.

Blaine headed to the bathroom to finish gelling his hair, unable to even remember what had started the fight. Their fights seemed to blend together, lengthening until they were mad at each other for weeks at a time. Three months they’d been in New York and things seemed to be getting worse.

They’d tried to resolve the space issue by having Blaine set up a desk to get ready in the bedroom while Kurt could get ready in the bathroom. Except that meant their space in the bedroom was too cramped. So, Kurt’s vanity for his skincare routine had been moved to the living room which meant they were too crowded out there as well. Short tempers in the morning, and every other time of the day.

Blaine had thought it would be better once they got married. They were husbands now. They wore each other’s rings and Blaine just wanted to feel like he belonged. Honestly, Blaine felt more lost than he had when they were broken up his senior year of high school. They’d talked through more of their problems, taken time to be themselves, and they were supposed to be communicating more. Blaine was determined to make it work. He wanted to think Kurt felt the same way.

Which was why knowing Kurt had stalked out of their apartment this morning during their third argument of the week hurt. And it was only Thursday. 

Blaine groaned, rubbing his eyes and straightening his bowtie. They’d had big plans of heading towards their respective schools together for their first days back, picking up a coffee at a shop that was between the two colleges. Blaine shook his head, grabbing his phone and shoving it in his pocket. A malicious voice in his head was telling him to rinse the gel out of his hair and go back to bed but he couldn’t. 

When he’d gotten back together with Kurt this time, he’d inwardly promised he wouldn’t let himself drift away again. He was older now. And he was fairly certain he wouldn’t be able to get back into college if he flunked out a second time. He was lucky enough that NYU had taken him.

With that thought, Blaine pat his head, making sure all of his curls were completely gelled and grabbed his messenger bag. He had classes to get to. A life to lead. His marriage that he wanted to save could wait until later.

Blaine considered that the entire time as he got on the subway and made his way to school, making notes on his phone of what he wanted to do for Kurt. Flowers, maybe? A slice of his favorite cheesecake from the restaurant that Kurt hated every other food at. They were both stressed and Blaine wanted to make sure he didn’t push Kurt too much like he had the last time. If Blaine had to push himself to make Kurt happy, he could. He’d done it before.

The college campus didn’t take as long to get to as Blaine had planned, and he had time to wander around, to get acquainted. He and Kurt had come a few weeks ago so Blaine could find his classes but he couldn’t wait to immerse himself. This was his chance to shine and not have to worry about ruining his and Kurt’s relationship like he had when they attended NYADA together.

Blaine couldn’t help the way he smiled, taking in the atmosphere. Any one of these people could become a good friend in the coming weeks. Maybe he shared classes with them or they’d meet in one of the clubs he wanted to join. It was going to be a ton of fun and Blaine could feel the optimism building in him. Blaine was always ready to take on the world. 

Of course, he didn’t have that much time before his first class. 

When he came across a coffee shop that seemed to be overflowing with students, Blaine looked at his watch before heading towards the door. He’d get coffee and he’d feel so much better when he headed to his first class of the day. 

Blaine pushed the door of the coffee shop open, his eyes on the menu above the counter and his phone in one of his hands. He gasped as somebody ran into him in the doorway, walking too fast, and then cringed as the feeling of ice-cold coffee showered over him. It reminded him unpleasantly of being slushie’d in high school.

“Fuck, I’m sorry.”

Blaine blinked up as he recognized the voice, his head tilting as the ice cubes on the floor in front of him were forgotten. Sebastian Smythe didn’t look much different than he had when Blaine had last seen him. He had grown his hair out again, the brown strands swooping over his forehead, but that seemed to be the only difference. His eyes were just as wide as Blaine’s as they looked at each other.

Sebastian recovered first, shaking himself. “Fancy meeting you here, Blaine. I _am_ sorry about the coffee. I wasn’t paying attention.”

“It’s okay,” Blaine breathed, pulling his shirt away from his chest as the liquid began making his way down his front. At least the tight collar and bowtie had prevented any ice from going down his shirt.

Sebastian smirked, tossing his mostly empty cup in the trash and checking his watch. “Do you still have the same coffee order? I feel it’s only fair I buy you a coffee while you get cleaned up.”

“I feel like I kind of owe you a coffee after you dropped yours,” Blaine responded easily, jumping as a worker came bustling up to get the coffee cleaned up. He and Sebastian moved out of the way and Blaine winced at the wetness starting to seep into his pants now. “Okay, actually, you win. I’m going to get cleaned up. Yes, my order is the same.”

The coffee wasn’t easy to get cleaned up and Blaine knew he was going to feel sticky for the rest of the day. But at least he’d foregone the canary yellow shirt he’d originally planned on wearing and had opted for a royal purple. There were some streaks from the coffee but after holding it under the hand dryer, it was the best it could be. He’d had experience doing this.

When Blaine came out of the bathroom, Sebastian was sitting at a small table by the window and Blaine joined him, grinning. He was still having a hard time believing he’d really run into Sebastian, of all people, here. It was nice, though, to see a face from home, even if that face had once almost blinded him. It had been a long time and Blaine had moved past, if not completely forgiven him for that.

Blaine forgave people, even sometimes when they didn’t deserve it. It’s what he did.

“So, what are you doing here, anyway?” Sebastian asked as he put his phone back onto the table now that Blaine was sitting with him. Blaine pulled the lid off his coffee and poured sugar in, stirring thoughtfully. “Last I heard you were coaching the Warblers. Or the New Directions, whatever weird thing happened once Dalton burned down.”

Blaine felt his cheeks go pink at the fact that Sebastian had heard about that. He wondered what other gossip the other man had heard about him. Did he know about Kurt breaking their proposal? Probably. And likely about Blaine dropping out of NYADA. How embarrassing. 

“I did. Mr. Schuester, Kurt, Rachel, and I coached them straight to a Nationals win. I got accepted into NYU and Rachel and Kurt went back to NYADA,” Blaine explained, keeping his eyes low, unable to meet Sebastian’s. He didn’t want to know what he’d see in them. “What about you? I didn’t know you were coming to New York.”

A sip of his coffee and Sebastian nodded. “I’m going into my second year of NYU, actually. Political science,” he said, his eyes sliding over Blaine’s face in a way that made something warm curl in Blaine’s stomach. 

“That’s great,” Blaine said and he meant it. He and Sebastian weren’t close anymore but they’d been friends once upon a time. Before Michael Jackson week, Blaine and Sebastian had talked on the phone morning and night, texting at all hours of the day. And after Regionals, they’d reconnected shortly before Blaine’s relationship with Kurt had started dissolving and Blaine had done everything he could to hold onto it. That included dropping any friendship that might upset Kurt.

Sebastian nodded, a small smile on his lips that had always gotten Blaine as a teenager. “And you got married?”

Blaine looked down at his coffee, subconsciously twisting his wedding ring on his left hand. Ever since they’d gotten married, it had seemed to weigh more and more. “Yes. It was unplanned. In a barn, actually. In Indiana. During Brittany and Santana’s wedding.”

The look on Sebastian’s face made Blaine laugh and he played with the lid of his cup as he explained further. He was surprised by how easy it was to fall back into talking with Sebastian like they knew each other. That was how it had always been, though. Blaine wasn’t sure what it was about Sebastian that made him feel like he could just talk without having to worry about what he was saying. Maybe it was the way Sebastian seemed genuinely interested in what he had to say most of the time.

Blaine could tell Sebastian didn’t care about the wedding, though, not really. And he didn’t blame him. Besides, Sebastian was looking at him the way he always did, as if he could see right through him. It made Blaine want to look away, to erect a wall to hide behind. He’d always been good at making Kurt see exactly what he wanted him to see but it wasn’t the same with Sebastian. Every time he had a conversation with Sebastian, Blaine felt like his emotions were written on his skin.

“What about you?” Blaine asked, deciding he was done talking about himself. It felt like anything he could say would be the wrong thing. He didn’t want to talk about Kurt with Sebastian, nor college since he was still undecided about it all, or anything else. He was curious about Sebastian, anyway. “You were really good in the Warblers. Why political science?”

Sebastian shrugged, although he looked completely confident in his decision. “I like performing but only as a hobby. I managed to pull the Warblers back together after the Hunter debacle although that says more about my leadership abilities than my singing or dancing. Besides, my father is thrilled that I’m going into law.”

While it had been years since they’d been friends, Blaine could still recognize the cynical tone to Sebastian’s voice. Blaine didn’t want to bring up any painful topics and he knew Sebastian’s father was one. Instead, they chatted about Dalton, the Warblers that Sebastian had left behind to carry on the legacy, including a handful that Blaine had coached the next year. 

Blaine didn’t even realize he had to go until Sebastian was smiling and holding up his phone to show Blaine the time.

“I have to get to class. I probably should’ve left a few minutes ago,” Sebastian said, his tone apologetic as he picked up his coffee cup.

And Blaine knew he had to go too but he didn’t want to. Not when he was reconnecting with Sebastian this way. He’d been eager to make friends and why would he give up this one? Sebastian knew him already, knew what he’d gone through. It would be nice to have a friend like that. “I do too. Do you still have the same number? I’d love if we could get lunch sometime?”

Sebastian looked at him with slightly narrowed eyes, as if he was trying to figure out Blaine’s angle. But he nodded, pushing his chair in as Blaine stood up. “Sure. My number’s still the same. Text me anytime.”

Blaine smiled at him, letting out a breath as he thought to their first meeting. He could still remember the butterflies that had swarmed in his stomach, the way he’d been terrified when Sebastian had left. All he could think about then was that he hadn’t thought about Kurt once. And he hated the way he felt the same again. “Great.”

And there was that same look from Sebastian, heat in his eyes and a confidence that Sebastian could see through Blaine. “Good luck with your first day, killer. You don’t need it, though. Everybody will see how amazing you are.”

With that, Sebastian was heading for the door and Blaine followed at a slower pace. He could try to pretend a stranger’s praise would make him feel just as warm as Sebastian did but it would be a lie. All he could do was pretend it didn’t matter so much that Sebastian had seemed to know exactly what Blaine needed to hear.

***

The clicking as Blaine unlocked the door seemed deafening and reminded him of the notes he’d taken of romantic gestures he’d planned for his husband tonight. Of course, he’d only remembered as soon as he was stepping in the door, his stomach turning when he took in the smell of food in the air.

Kurt was standing at the stove, back to the door, and he glanced over his shoulder when he heard Blaine come in. “Hey,” Kurt said, a small, apologetic smile on his lips.

It made a weight lift off Blaine’s shoulder as he took off his jacket, hanging it up and coming into the kitchen. Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt, kissing his cheek before hooking his chin over Kurt’s shoulder. “Hey. Let me just take a quick shower and I’ll be right out if you need any help. I want to hear about how your classes went.”

Kurt nodded, turning his head to kiss the corner of Blaine’s lips and stirring whatever it was that smelled so good. “Go ahead. Dinner should be ready when you get out.”

Blaine breathed out, melting as he got into the shower, thankful to finally be home. He loved New York and NYU was fine, but he loved quiet evenings at home. Preferably with a few friends but with just his husband was good enough. Blaine showered quickly, making sure all the gel was out of his hair and stepping out smelling like vanilla.

By the time he was back in the kitchen, dressed in comfortable clothes, Kurt was already done cooking and Blaine helped him set the table. They seemed to share silent looks, both of them trying to evaluate the other. Were they still trying to poke holes in the other’s armor or were they fighting on the same side? Blaine just hoped their battle was over for now.

“So… I wanted to apologize for earlier,” Kurt said primly, looking down as he cut into his chicken. Blaine blinked at him, unused to Kurt actually taking the initiative and apologizing. “I didn’t sleep well last night. Or the night before. Not that it’s an excuse but… I’m sorry.”

Blaine nodded immediately, so grateful he wasn’t the one apologizing that he was reaching out before he could consider it. Kurt set his hand in Blaine’s slowly. “No, it’s okay. Of course. Me too. I mean, I’m sorry too. We’re both stressed going back to school. It happens. How was it, though? Your classes?”

Kurt shrugged, twirling his fork as he specifically avoided looking in Blaine’s eyes. “Same old NYADA. Everybody wanted to talk about Rachel before realizing she’s back. It was okay, though. I’m glad I’m almost done. Just one more year and then… who knows? Then I can do whatever I want.”

“I’m so proud of you,” Blaine responded, a genuine smile on his lips as Kurt finally met his eyes. There was still something behind Kurt’s eyes, hurt maybe? Whatever it was had Blaine’s stomach twisting in knots. “You’re on the path to being a star. Not that you’re not already but soon everybody else will see what I see.”

“How was your first day? How’s NYU?” 

“It’s no NYADA but it was fine. Actually…” Blaine blew out a breath, tempted to lie but he knew that was going to be a bad idea. Especially if he really did want to become friends with Sebastian again, he couldn’t try to hide it. “I ran into… Sebastian. Physically ran into him at a coffee shop on campus. We sat and talked. Was that okay?”

“Oh, of course,” Kurt said. Although Blaine could see by the tightening of his lips that it wasn’t really okay. Blaine couldn’t exactly blame him for the jealousy considering what had happened when they were in high school but they were married now. Blaine had meant something when he’d said those vows. Being married meant they didn’t have to worry anymore. “Is he going to NYU?”

Blaine nodded, taking another bite before he answered. “Yeah, he is.”

“And he’s not going to try to assault you again?” Kurt asked with fake casualness. Blaine knew Kurt had taken that hard, in a different way than Blaine had. The rock salt had been meant for Kurt, likely wouldn’t have ended up on his face, and Blaine knew Kurt still felt guilty he’d jumped in front of him. Blaine wouldn’t change that, though. Protecting Kurt like that had been instinctual, something important to him.

“No. He seems different now. Calmer,” Blaine said slowly, not sure how he could explain the differences he’d seen in Sebastian. It had been years since Sebastian had thrown that slushie and Sebastian had made it clear he didn’t play those games anymore. Even before this reconciliation, Sebastian had been different. 

Blaine didn’t know why but he trusted him. But then, Blaine had the first time too and look how that turned out.

Kurt nodded back, something seeming to clear on his face as he changed the subject, talking about what had happened in one of his classes.

It was the best Blaine could hope to get. He didn’t have to pretend to be interested in Kurt’s classes, listening and remarking at the appropriate moments. It was only later, as they lay tangled together in bed, after a few hours of homework and winding down watching their favorite sitcoms, that Blaine realized he hadn’t told him anything else that had happened at school.

That was okay, he thought, pressing a kiss to Kurt’s temple. This was good already. They were going to get through this and their marriage would be stronger. He just wanted to be happy with Kurt.

He wanted to stop feeling like he was lost all the time.


	2. Chapter 2

The feeling of sunlight on his face woke Blaine up and he quickly became aware of the smell of coffee and the sound of Kurt clicking on his phone next to him.

“Morning,” Kurt murmured and Blaine moved closer to him, resting against Kurt’s shoulder so he could read the headlines of Kurt’s gossip blogs. He wasn’t really interested but it felt good to be with Kurt without either of them tense or fighting. That was likely because the two had barely seen each other the past few days but it was nice anyway. “I brought you coffee when I got my own.”

Blaine glanced over, seeing he did have a mug of coffee next to the bed. “Oh, I knew there was a reason I love you,” Blaine teased, propping himself against the headboard and grabbing the coffee and his phone at the same time. He saw immediately that Sebastian had texted him which was no surprise. In the week since they’d met at the coffee shop, they’d been texting each other constantly.

And while Blaine made friends easily, it wasn’t the same as his friendship with Sebastian. He liked his classmates but he found himself constantly pitting himself against them. Blaine was so unsure about himself, about his dreams in New York, and he felt like he couldn’t stop comparing himself to them. Sebastian wasn’t like that. Blaine had never felt that way with Sebastian. It was the easy confidence and charm Sebastian carried himself with and how he talked about Blaine as if he should feel the same way.

“What do you say to going out tonight? Some people are going to Singing Stars tonight. Karaoke. I know you love that,” Kurt said, shifting a bit so he was facing Blaine although his focus was still on his own phone as he typed.

Blaine hesitated, not wanting to say no but not wanting to go out with a bunch of Kurt’s friends. At least it wasn’t Callbacks but Blaine always felt weird going out around that same crowd. It had been years, but he still wondered if they remembered him as the boy who cried through Teenage Dream, who had broken Kurt’s heart, who had flunked out of the school.

“You don’t want to go?” Kurt asked, finally looking up at Blaine as he lowered his phone.

“I don’t know. I have a lot of homework and you have your friends there,” Blaine said, shaking his head and sending another text, trying to ignore the way Kurt was looking at him. 

But his husband had known him for years and he couldn’t hide. Not this time, not the way he so often could. Kurt nudged Blaine’s shoulder, his eyebrows raised. “It’s not just my friends, you know. Rachel and Jesse will be there, and Elliott and Dani. Why don’t you ask Sebastian to come?”

Blaine narrowed his eyes, sure there was a catch coming. Because the Kurt Hummel-Anderson he knew would cut up every single scarf he owned before he voluntarily went out with Sebastian.

Kurt sighed quietly as Blaine just looked at him. “Look, I’m trying to be magnanimous about the two of you talking. We’re married. You can be friends with whoever you want. I trust you. I do. We’re going at 8.”

“Okay,” Blaine said slowly, wondering if this was a test he was failing. But Kurt nodded, turning back to his phone and typing again so Blaine knew it couldn’t be that bad. Maybe Kurt really did trust him, or was trying to at least. “I’ll text him.”

Blaine took a quick drink of his coffee, typing out the message half a dozen times before finally deciding on one to send.

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson:**  
Do you have plans later? A bunch of Kurt’s friends, and Rachel, and I are going to Singing Stars, a karaoke bar, near NYADA, tonight at 8. I was wondering if you wanted to come! And yes, Kurt knows I invited you. :)_

_**Sebastian Smythe**  
And Kurt was fine with inviting me? Are you sure it’s really him or has he been abducted? Is he trying to poison me???_

Blaine grinned, shifting a bit so he was resting against Kurt’s shoulder again. 

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson:**  
It was actually his idea! It’ll be a lot of his friends so I’d love if you could come!_

Kurt pressed a kiss to Blaine’s temple before standing up. “Sebastian and Jesse would probably get along, actually,” he said as he headed to get ready for the day.

Blaine watched him go, letting out a breath. They had decided weeks ago they’d get ready separately in the morning, knowing they only argued when they tried to share the bathroom. Which was a pain when they both had extensive routines but that was why they had their respective desks to prep for the day. It was fine. 

_**Sebastian Smythe**  
Sure, why not. I could use a break. See you tonight._

__

__

Blaine was excited he didn’t have to go and pretend he wasn’t still a tiny bit resentful that Rachel had abandoned him for Kurt as soon as the other man had come to Ohio the previous year. After so many months, he’d tried to get past it. He and Kurt were married now and Rachel was constantly around them. It wasn’t something he should still be bitter towards.

Reminding himself that he had promised to be better than this, Blaine got out of bed, going to make breakfast for the two of them since they had the day free. They’d have to do homework but hopefully they could just have a quiet day in before their night out.

***

Blaine pressed a hand to his hair for easily the hundredth time since they’d gotten into the cab as they pulled up to the curb. Kurt was busy texting with one hand, his other hand held loosely in Blaine’s. Blaine had spent probably too long getting ready for the night out, feeling like he had that same something to prove as he had before. To Kurt’s friends, to Kurt, to himself. He paid with trembling hands before getting out, clutching Kurt like he was his lifeline.

Kurt ran his thumb in slow circles along Blaine’s knuckles. “Promise you’ll sing a duet with me?” Kurt asked charmingly.

At his words, Blaine felt himself begin to relax. “Of course,” he said with a smile.

The two headed inside together, spotting their group almost immediately. Blaine slid into the booth as Kurt went to get them drinks, introducing himself around. They were a nice group, obviously and immediately welcoming. Plus, he already knew a few of them, who he tried to focus on as he texted Sebastian to let him know he was there.

“So,” Rachel said, sidling closer to him and leaning over to try to read his text messages. He had nothing to hide but he locked his phone anyway, setting it on the table. “Kurt said you guys invited Sebastian? Did he hit his head?”

“Sebastian and I both wondered the same thing,” Blaine said with a laugh, looking over to see if Kurt was still at the bar. “I think Kurt is trying to say he trusts me. Or he’s giving me a test without telling me.”

“Kurt wouldn’t do that,” Rachel said immediately and Blaine resisted the disagree with her. Just because he had never done it before didn’t mean he wouldn’t. It maybe sounded like something he would’ve done in high school more than now but Blaine still wouldn’t put it past him.

Jesse leaned in, his arm around Rachel’s shoulder. “Who are we talking about?” 

“Just somebody from Blaine’s old school, Dalton,” Rachel said, leaning into Jesse in a way that Blaine had to look away from. It was obvious she was quite a few drinks in and he pressed his lips together to keep from laughing. 

“Sebastian Smythe?” Jesse asked.

Blaine and Rachel both turned to him, eyebrows raised. Blaine tried to reconcile the timeline of their schooling in his head but he hadn’t met Jesse until after they’d graduated. There was no way Sebastian and Jesse had met through any of them.

“Uh, how do you know him?” Rachel turned to Blaine, an amused expression on her face that mirrored his own.

Jesse raised one shoulder casually. “Show-choir blogs.”

Turning away, Blaine coughed to hide his laugh. He looked up, thanking Kurt as the other man slid drinks down in front of him.

“I’m gonna put a song in for us. Preferences?” Kurt asked, waiting for Blaine to shake his head in response before going to put in a duet for them.

Blaine watched Kurt go before turning back to the bar, spotting Sebastian and he had to blink a few times. Married, he reminded himself as he turned back to the table just in time to see Sebastian start heading their way. There was something about Sebastian that had always caught Blaine’s attention. While he was devoted to Kurt, had been for years, he’d never been able to deny there was something sexy about Sebastian, effortless in a way that Blaine envied.

Sebastian pulled up a chair from a nearby table and Blaine took the initiative to introduce him around the table. The look of recognition when Blaine introduced Jesse had him and Rachel exchanging another entertained look.

“So, I heard you were on Broadway. And then a very, very short-lived television show. And now you’re back at college. Tell me about that,” Sebastian said, turning to Rachel with a smirk on his lips that had Blaine clearing his throat and turning away to hide his smile.

Of course, he looked at Elliott who was also trying not to laugh which caused both of them to burst when Rachel started trying to defend herself.

Elliott and Blaine were still laughing when Kurt slid into the booth next to Blaine, draping his arm over Blaine’s shoulder and kissing his temple.

“What song did you put in?” Blaine asked as he leaned into Kurt’s side, picking up his drink and using his straw to stir it.

“You’ll see. You know it,” Kurt assured him, before turning and nodding at Sebastian. He looked like he tried to force Sebastian’s name out in greeting before finally giving up and Sebastian nodded back before focusing his attention back on Rachel.

Blaine was thankful at least they were being reasonable about this. He even closed his eyes for a moment, leaning into Kurt’s side and cherishing the sound of their friends around them. The music weaved through the air like something physical and he opened his eyes as Rachel and Jesse got up to sing their duet to duet to an old Broadway song that Blaine recognized but couldn’t place.

With Rachel gone, Blaine turned to Sebastian, preparing to rescue him if he looked out of place but Sebastian eased easily into another conversation. Blaine had forgotten how well Sebastian was able to get along with people who weren’t his show choir rivals. When Blaine had been around Sebastian and the rest of the Warblers, before the slushie incident, he’d been surprised by how different the taller boy had been. Sebastian was charming, able to put on different masks depending on the company he was in. Blaine could relate to that, although he knew Sebastian presented himself differently for different reasons than Blaine.

Rachel and Jesse brought a round of shots back to the table after their duet and Blaine sat up, preparing for the party to start. He still wasn’t a big drinker but he could hold his alcohol a lot better than before. He’d embarrassed himself enough drinking to build up a tolerance fast.

And it was fun. Just because he wasn’t at NYADA anymore didn’t mean he had nothing in common with Kurt’s friends. Although, he did feel so much younger than most of them, despite being only a year younger. Most of them were on the verge of graduation while he was going into his first year of school. Jesse was already on Broadway, Rachel had been on Broadway, and most of Kurt’s friends had background roles they were proud of.

He was calmer, now that Blaine was actually out here, ready to let himself get immersed. Blaine made friends easily and it was easier when he was actually lost in the moment. It was easier with people he knew there, especially people who weren’t attending NYADA like Jesse, Elliott and Dani. It constantly surprised Blaine how close he had become with Elliott after being so threatened by him originally. He was a genuinely good guy.

When Blaine and Kurt were called, the two got up, singing a Taylor Swift song that they had danced around to in their apartment just the previous day. It was nice, it was easy. And halfway through, Blaine’s eyes caught Sebastian’s amused gaze and he flushed, turning away. Kurt and Blaine playfully bowed when they were done, Blaine veering off to get another drink and he nudged Sebastian’s shoulder when he saw him standing at the bar, as if waiting for him.

“You sounded as great as ever,” Sebastian said, leaning against the bar and facing Blaine.

Blaine grinned back, waiting for the bartender to be done with the customers he was grabbing drinks for and get to them. “Thanks. What about you? What are you singing tonight?”

Sebastian laughed, shaking his head. “I don’t do that anymore, killer,” he responded easily, turning to the bartender and ordering drinks for the two of them.

“Thanks,” Blaine murmured when Sebastian handed him the drink although he stayed, not letting Sebastian walk away yet. “Come on. You said you sing as a hobby. Singing in the shower isn’t a hobby. Singing at a karaoke bar is.”

Sebastian looked at him and he seemed to be searching for something in Blaine’s eyes. Blaine wasn’t sure if he’d found it or not when he shrugged. “Okay. First you have to do a shot with me then I’ll sing.”

“Deal,” Blaine said, turning to get the bartender’s attention again as he looked over to see what Sebastian wanted to take shots of. 

As soon as they’d downed their shots, Blaine headed to put a One Direction single in for Sebastian, going to slide back into the booth and grinning at him. 

“Why don’t I like that look on your face?” Sebastian asked warily, momentarily distracted from his conversation with Jesse about their respective show choirs. Blaine shrugged, smiling innocently and taking another sip of his drink. 

It was worth it when Sebastian’s name was called and the song came on. Sebastian looked up from his conversation, narrowing his eyes at Blaine in a way that was probably meant to look annoyed but just looked amused.

“Never again,” Sebastian told him as Blaine smiled behind his drink.

Kurt cleared his throat at Blaine’s side, nudging his shoulder gently. “I’m getting shots with Elliott. Do you want one?” 

Blaine shook his head, getting out of the booth and moving around to the other side so Kurt could stand up, pulling his glass along with him. Sebastian came back after the song was over, looking over at the bar, where Rachel and Jesse had joined the shots party and then he sat down next to Blaine.

“So, any drugs in your system besides alcohol?” Blaine asked, his lips twitching in amusement as Sebastian’s glare intensified.

“You think you’re funny,” Sebastian responded, shaking his head. He didn’t look too upset, though, so Blaine felt comfortable nudging his shoulder to make sure Sebastian knew he was teasing. “This is a far cry from your first time out drinking, huh?”

Blaine flushed and he couldn’t help but laugh at the memory of it. It had been a fun night, dancing with Sebastian and then Kurt and Sebastian. Blaine had grown fonder of Sebastian that night, seeing him carefree and so much looser than he was when he wasn’t drinking. Then, he and Kurt had gotten into one of their first big fights of their relationship. It wasn’t a night Blaine was likely to forget.

“It is. And your style is much better now,” Blaine murmured, looking over at Sebastian pointedly.

Raising an eyebrow, Sebastian glanced over. “And you look as good as you always did, killer,” Sebastian said. Blaine realized he’d been making sure Kurt was still at the bar and he flushed, reaching up to tug his bowtie self-consciously. 

It wasn’t that Sebastian was complimenting him. Their friends complimented each other all the time. And Sebastian’s words were fairly innocent, all things considered. But Blaine knew Kurt wouldn’t take the words quite so nicely.

“And you have the same attitude as when we were teenagers and I wasn’t married,” Blaine said, his words just sharp enough to get his point across.

Sebastian didn’t look chastised, his knee knocking against Blaine’s under the table and his eyes warm, honest as they looked at each other. “I know you’re married. I want you to know that you’re still as gorgeous as ever. No ulterior motives just the facts.”

Blaine felt his cheeks go hot at Sebastian’s words and he swallowed hard as he considered just how to respond. He was saved, though, when Rachel came back, slurring her words and leaning on Jesse. As soon as she reached them, she half threw herself at Blaine, leaning against the table.

“Blaine, sing a duet with me!” Rachel said enthusiastically, grinning charmingly.

“Uh, yeah, of course. Whatever you want. Go put something in,” Blaine said with a smile, giving her a little push when she had trouble standing up from the table on her own. 

Jesse shook his head but indulgently followed along behind Rachel to make sure she got there and back to the table okay. Blaine couldn’t help watching them, ever intrigued by the dynamic they shared. 

“You want another drink?” Sebastian asked, gesturing towards Blaine’s empty glass and Blaine looked down, seeing Sebastian holding his own.

Blaine nodded, getting out of the booth but picking up his own glass. Sebastian headed towards the bar, away from where the rest of them were laughing, and Blaine followed him, leaning against the bar top and warily watching Rachel look through the song book. He just hoped she chose something he knew although he had a feeling Jesse could step in if it was something Blaine didn’t.

“So,” Sebastian said as the bartender made their drinks. “How much gel do you go through in a week?”

“I- That bad?” Blaine asked, reaching up to touch above his ears and then the back of his neck, where his curls were most likely to fall out of place, especially when he was sweating. He was grateful that he only felt the gel. 

After watching the way Blaine touched his hair, Sebastian shrugged, taking his drink with a thanks to the bartender. “It’s just more than the other day when I saw you. Do you wear more for going out?” 

Blaine shook his head, stirring his drink as he considered his words. He was just buzzed enough that he didn’t feel self-conscious about his answer. “I just feel better with my hair gelled.”

Obviously, Sebastian hadn’t been expecting that answer. His lips parted, his eyes meeting Blaine’s with curiosity and something Blaine couldn’t identify in them. “Right.”

Blaine didn’t think there was judgement exactly there but it was something that still made him feel prickly. He went back to the table, Sebastian sitting where he had before while Blaine scooted in next to Kurt. Kurt wrapped an arm around Blaine’s shoulders and Blaine reached his hand up to tangle their fingers together, trying not to think about how he felt when Sebastian looked at him. While Sebastian resumed his conversation with Elliott, Blaine had to force himself not to look over at Sebastian.

He felt like the entire rest of the night he was trying not to look at Sebastian. He sang with Rachel, alone and then with Kurt again but the entire time, he was so aware of Sebastian’s presence. It felt natural to have Sebastian there, as if he’d been there all along. He got along well with the people Blaine did. But there was a large part of Blaine that reminded him they weren’t all friends, that Sebastian had hit on Blaine relentlessly and eventually ended up putting him in the hospital. And he was so aware of how much Kurt still disliked Sebastian for that.

At the end of the night, while Kurt paid their tab, Blaine leaned in to give Sebastian a hug before he could think about it. After a moment’s hesitation, Sebastian hugged him back.

“Thanks for inviting me,” Sebastian murmured as he pulled back, opening and then closing his mouth as he seemed to consider what he wanted to say. It was different to see Sebastian like this, thinking about the words before he spoke them. “It was fun. Even singing. I don’t do that much anymore.”

“Thanks for coming. It was nice to have somebody other than the typical NYADA crowd to talk to,” Blaine answered honestly. 

Sebastian grinned, looking at Rachel coming out of the bar, still singing quietly as Jesse looked affectionately at her. “I can tell,” Sebastian answered, giving Blaine one more smile before he said goodbye to the rest. 

When Kurt came out, Sebastian nodded at him, looking at Blaine once more before closing the cab door. Blaine let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, turning and wrapping an arm around Kurt’s waist to lean against him as they all said the rest of their goodbyes.

By the time they were in a cab, the two were tired, leaning against each other. Kurt pressed a kiss to Blaine’s temple, looking out the window at the passing lights.

“That was fun,” Blaine said quietly, reaching out to take one of Kurt’s hands, pulling it over to rest on his knee and hanging on.

Kurt smiled over at him. “It was. You had fun? Even though it was mostly my friends?” Blaine nodded, knowing Kurt could read that he had anyway. “Good. Even Sebastian wasn’t so bad. He seemed like he got along with everybody.”

“Yeah, he…” Blaine trailed off, though, unsure why he didn’t want to mention any of the conversations he’d had with Sebastian, least of all the one about his gel. Kurt hadn’t noticed that Blaine had started using so much again so maybe it was just better not to talk about it. He changed what he was about to say. “He seems like he’s matured quite a bit since what happened with Dave.”

Although he nodded, it was obvious Kurt was done talking about Sebastian. Instead, Kurt rested his head against Blaine’s, squeezing his hand gently and closing his eyes.

Blaine looked out the window, his thumb rubbing slowly along Kurt’s knuckles.


	3. Chapter 3

It was pathetic, that Blaine thought it was a fairly nice week and a half because they’d only had short arguments, easily resolved. Today, though, they were back to yelling at each other over the stupidest thing. Blaine had used the last of the coffee the previous day which meant they didn’t have any for this morning.

Blaine didn’t think it warranted the yelling but Kurt was pissed. Neither of them had wanted to get out of bed, tired after a late night of schoolwork, and they were too late to do much more than bitch at each other over their lack of caffeine. Blaine could try to pretend it was the lack of sleep that was causing their aggravation but what was the excuse for every other time?

“You’re so inconsiderate,” Kurt snapped as he buttered toast viciously, the knife catching on the bread in a grating way that was starting to give Blaine a headache.

“It’s _coffee_ , Kurt. You’re being ridiculous. I’ll pick some up on the way home. If we leave now, we have time to go to a coffee shop,” Blaine said, his voice pleading as Kurt wrapped his toast in a napkin and pulled on his coat. This was something that was easily resolved. And Blaine knew he had his moments of irrationality but he’d been trying to change. The things that had bothered him before weren’t as important. Kurt’s bad habits bothered him less because, well, they had to. Blaine didn’t want to fight all the time.

“We can’t go together. We’re going opposite ways.”

Blaine sighed, knowing it was just an excuse. Because they could go to the coffee shop just across the street from their building if they really wanted to. Kurt just wanted to get away from him. Which Blaine was starting to relate to in a way that he didn’t want to. “Okay, fine. Are we still on for tonight?”

“Oh, I forgot,” Kurt said and Blaine was less upset about Kurt cancelling than Kurt thinking Blaine didn’t know him well enough to recognize the lie. “I’m sorry, Blaine. I made plans with Elliott to help me run lines.”

Honestly, Blaine was barely mad at the moment. He cleared his throat, twisting his wedding ring as Kurt headed towards the door. “Have fun,” Blaine said. The only response he got was Kurt slamming the door. 

Blaine rubbed his eyes. He hated this. He hated that Kurt was so constantly unwilling to talk things through. It was similar to when he’d first come to New York when they were engaged. For weeks, they’d fight and fight and fight until one of them lost it and then finally they’d sit and talk things through while Kurt chastised him for bottling things up. But they were married so Blaine couldn’t move out and Kurt couldn’t just give up.

Blaine felt his heart start pounding in overtime as he headed towards campus. Kurt hadn’t just given up yet, at least. Blaine didn’t want him to. They’d gone through so much and all Blaine wanted was just that wedded bliss promised him. He wanted it with Kurt, the boy he’d been in love with for years, the boy who knew him.

He was distracted as he headed into the same coffee shop as he had the first day of school. When he saw who was in line in front of him, he had to laugh. Sebastian turned to him, his eyes lighting up as he saw Blaine.

“I guess we’re on the same schedule,” Blaine murmured, amused at the fact that this was the fifth time they’d seen each other in two weeks.

Obviously, Sebastian grasped it as well, grinning. “I know you’re late then too,” Sebastian responded easily, reaching up to straighten Blaine’s askew bowtie. Blaine tensed, curious if Sebastian was going to try to touch him again but Sebastian pulled his hand away. “Are you okay?”

Blaine looked up into Sebastian’s eyes, surprised as he always was, that Sebastian knew him so well. The fact that he could notice Blaine’s mood just by the look in his eyes or how his hair was gelled. They were simple things that he knew Kurt _had_ to notice but he rarely said anything. It was nice to have somebody who asked how Blaine was.

“I’m okay. Just… late,” Blaine said with a small smile, hoping Sebastian could see in his eyes how much he appreciated him. 

They stepped forward in line and Blaine didn’t notice Sebastian ordering his coffee until Sebastian had already paid and was handing the cup over. 

“Looked like you needed it even just a few minutes faster,” Sebastian said as Blaine wrapped his hands around the cup, biting his lip. It was a kind gesture, effortless really. The kind of thing Blaine couldn’t see Sebastian doing. But then, he was starting to see even when they’d been texting, he hadn’t really known him. He had only been able to see what Sebastian wanted him to see.

“Thank you,” Blaine murmured as they headed towards the counter so Blaine could put sugar into his coffee. 

Sebastian nodded and there was something there, hidden in his eyes. Blaine had noticed it only a handful of times before. Sebastian never liked showing his hand but sometimes Blaine caught a glimpse of the emotions Sebastian always tried to hide. Sometimes Sebastian’s armor cracked just enough for Blaine to peek at what was hidden behind snark and sexual innuendo. “So, when are we going out drinking again?”

Blaine shrugged, stirring his coffee thoughtfully. “I don’t know. I’ll be sure to text you when we go out. But you have to sing again.”

Although Sebastian could pretend he wasn’t interested, Blaine knew him better than that. “Deal,” Sebastian responded, following Blaine towards the door. He turned to Blaine as soon as they were out of the door, his movements noticeably hesitant. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Blaine was touched by the concern; the way Sebastian was looking at him as if he was prepared to do something to change it. It made him feel warm, even in the chilly September air. “I’m okay. Thanks for the coffee.”

“Have a good day, killer,” Sebastian murmured, giving him another short look before he headed off in the other direction.

Blaine found that he really hadn’t lied. He was feeling much better now as he went towards his first class of the day.

***

Blaine sighed as he pushed dejectedly at the vegetables in the frying pan, wishing he’d made plans with somebody when Kurt had cancelled on him. But he had a lot of homework to do and he really needed to get it done. It didn’t really make it any easier, making dinner for himself in an empty apartment when he and Kurt were supposed to be having a date night.

Sebastian had been texting him off and on throughout the evening, about nothing at all. He was working on his homework in his own apartment and Blaine couldn’t help the malicious voice in his head telling him to do something foolish. It was the voice that had come for him when he was a senior in high school, when he almost ruined everything he wanted to be with Kurt.

But Blaine wasn’t going to do that. He was more mature than that, now. They were married and Blaine wasn’t a cheater. It had been a mistake to sleep with Eli. He and Kurt were meant to be together which was why he’d ended things with Dave, although he wished he’d done it before he’d kissed Kurt. After everything, Blaine refused to believe anything less than him and Kurt being soulmates.

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson:**  
How is running lines going? Any idea when you’ll be home?_

By the time Kurt responded, Blaine was sitting at the table, an unread text message from Sebastian on his phone, an empty plate of stir fry in front of him, and a book he had to read on the table.

_**Kurt Hummel-Anderson:**  
Fine. I don’t know. I’m eating here so don’t hold dinner or wait up for me._

Blaine wanted to believe he didn’t mean it as hurtful as it was. But he knew his husband, knew how Kurt acted when they fought. Kurt didn’t like to talk about his feelings, not when he was hurting or angry. Instead, he played passive aggressive until he deemed Blaine punished enough.

Taking another bite, Blaine stared at his phone, his hand shaking as he moved to pick it up. He pulled up his contact list, looking through the people he knew. He had no real interest in hanging out with anybody he went to school with. They all had their own baggage, their brand of crazy that was fine sometimes but not when Blaine was feeling mopey.

And he wasn’t going to call Sebastian when he was so angry and upset with Kurt. That was a bad idea.

Finally, he grabbed his book, left his plate on the table to wash later, and headed towards the couch. He pressed his brother’s name, calling him and putting the phone to his ear. 

“If it isn’t my baby brother. Call to ask me my advice before you audition for a role?”

Blaine’s lips twitched, amused more than anything over Cooper’s words. He’d grown closer to him in the few years they’d been reconciled and Cooper had been trying to convince them for months to come for a visit. Blaine wanted to on one of their breaks coming up but Kurt had been unsure, making excuses for why not. Blaine hadn’t figured out why, besides the life they were building in New York.

“Something like that,” Blaine said, his voice quieter than he meant it to be, his fingers tracing the cover of his English textbook. 

Cooper could obviously hear Blaine’s tone of voice because he hesitated. Ever since their fight in Blaine’s junior year, Cooper had been making an effort to be a more supportive brother. He slipped quite a bit, of course, that was just who Cooper was, but he tried. That’s what mattered. “What are you doing calling me on a Friday night anyway? Shouldn’t you and Kurt be doing something crazy in New York?”

“He’s running lines with one of his friends. I’m doing homework. It’s not- It hasn’t really been like that lately,” Blaine admitted, hearing as there was a shuffle of papers, like Cooper was putting something aside.

“Is that why you called?”

For a moment, Blaine was tempted to deny it. He could ask Cooper about what the other man was working on. Blaine didn’t doubt Cooper would be more than happy to talk about whatever television show bit part he was in right now. But the truth was, that was why Blaine had called. It was nice to talk about Kurt with somebody who knew them both, who was on his side but not like Sebastian was.

Blaine knew Cooper was on his side but he liked Kurt too. They were friends on Facebook and commented on each other’s posts sometimes. Blaine needed somebody more neutral than Sebastian was. 

“This isn’t what I expected,” Blaine finally said, sighing quietly and leaning back against the couch. “I thought things would be easier when we got married. Isn’t that what’s supposed to happen? I mean, I guess I know that wasn’t how it was with Mom and Dad.”

“I… don’t know, honestly. I don’t really have experience. Although this one show I was on was really talking about how marriage is a compromise. Isn’t that true?” 

“I feel like I’m the only one who has to compromise,” Blaine whispered, not realizing he had said it until he already had. He let out a slow breath, shaking his head because he didn’t mean to say that. “I’m sorry. That’s not fair. Kurt’s… Kurt’s trying.”

Was he? Blaine didn’t want to think about the alternative. If he admitted Kurt wasn’t trying to make their marriage work… then what did Blaine have left? 

Blaine wanted to feel better talking to Cooper but he didn’t. They talked about Blaine’s classes and the show Cooper was on, how New York and California were. But Blaine was still melancholy, staring at the front door and wondering how late Kurt was going to be.

After hanging up the phone, Blaine got up to wash the dishes before taking a shower. It was easy to pretend he wasn’t crying as he washed out his hair gel. He felt a little better while he was doing his homework and actually felt fine when he finally went to bed.

Kurt joined him a few hours later, sneaking quietly through the room and getting ready for bed. When he crawled under the covers, Blaine yawned, turning to face him and blinking bleary eyes at him.

“I’m sorry,” Blaine whispered, reaching out to take one of Kurt’s hands, tangling their fingers, thankful that Kurt didn’t try to pull away. “I got more coffee.”

“I saw. It’s okay,” Kurt murmured back, leaning in to kiss Blaine softly before pushing a few of his curls off his forehead. 

Blaine tried to look at him, trying to see what he was actually feeling. It was too dark and he was too tired, still mostly asleep, so he just moved forward, wrapping his arms around Kurt.

Kurt hesitated only a few moments before he hugged him back, rubbing Blaine’s back gently. “Get some sleep, Blaine.”

And Blaine couldn’t figure out any reason to argue.

***

Monday dawned bright and cold, although their relationship was frostier than even the air outside. Blaine got up early, taking his time in the bathroom before Kurt would be getting ready. He chose his clothes carefully, bright colors to make up for his dark mood, and gel that would ensure his curls stayed tight throughout the day. The last thing he wanted to deal with today was a hair out of place.

When he was ready, he went to make breakfast and start coffee. Even though Kurt had held him each night through the weekend, there was still obviously something bothering him. Kurt seemed to need something from him but he refused to tell him what.

“Morning,” Kurt said as he came into the kitchen, his head buried in a script that he’d refused to show Blaine, citing superstition about not wanting to jinx it. 

“I’m making breakfast. Can I pour you coffee?”

Kurt shook his head, glancing up at him and Blaine could see emotion warring on Kurt’s features. It was something he had seen so regularly when they were broken up during Blaine’s senior year. Kurt wasn’t sure whether he wanted to push Blaine away or pull him closer. “I think I’ll take it to go. I have a lot to do today.”

Blaine nodded, grabbing a paper towel so he could wrap Kurt’s toast and bacon up for him. He poured himself coffee and Kurt’s into a travel mug, handing it over to him. Blaine was trying to convey how much he needed with his eyes, wanting Kurt to understand he was trying here, but Kurt steadfastly refused to look at him, even as he took the coffee.

“Will you talk to me, please?” Blaine finally asked, his voice shaking as he took a sip of his coffee, trying to pretend he wasn’t as desperate as he really was. 

Kurt looked up at him, sighing quietly. “What do you want to talk about?”

“I apologized,” Blaine responded, knowing that wasn’t an answer. But judging by the exasperation in Kurt’s eyes, he could see what Blaine meant.

“I’m not still mad,” Kurt said, grabbing the paper towel as Blaine held out his breakfast to go for him. Then Kurt seemed to deflate. “Really, Blaine. I’m not mad, okay? It’s fine. Stop worrying.”

Blaine wished it was that easy, that he didn’t have to walk on eggshells with him. He reached up, hesitantly touching his hair and thinking about the fact that when they’d been broken up, the second time, he’d even felt comfortable enough to go out in public in Ohio without hair gel. He’d gone without the bowties, trying something completely different. But now here he was, back feeling like he was constantly wrong.

“It doesn’t feel like it’s okay,” Blaine whispered. 

Sighing quietly, Kurt reached out his hand and Blaine set his own in immediately. Kurt wrapped his hand around his, thumb rubbing gently along the wedding ring snug on Blaine’s finger. “We’re okay. We’re married, remember?” 

Blaine let his eyes flutter closed, holding onto Kurt tightly before Kurt carefully pulled away. He wanted so badly to believe him so what else could he do? He smiled back at Kurt. Kurt was right. They were married. 

And if Kurt didn’t look very enthusiastic when he said it, well, Blaine could ignore that because they were wearing matching rings.

***

_**Kurt Hummel-Anderson:**  
One of my classmates has a role in a new play and he wants us to come tonight. Are you interested?_

Blaine stared at the text message, knowing immediately that the ‘us’ Kurt was referring to wasn’t him and Blaine although he didn’t know who it was. Kurt and Rachel, maybe? That made sense. Rachel would undoubtedly invite Jesse who was already making a name for himself in the Broadway community. 

Blaine didn’t want to have to pretend things were fine between the two of them for the night. Although, he really didn’t want to be alone in the apartment, not so late. Not again. Not feeling like things weren’t okay between him and Kurt.

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson:**  
Not tonight. I have a lot of homework. If you’re going to be late, I think I’ll invite Sebastian over? To do homework? If that’s okay?_

It was nearly thirty minutes later before Kurt finally responded.

_**Kurt Hummel-Anderson:**  
Sure. Have fun._

Blaine had a feeling it was the best he was going to get. He texted Kurt that he loved him, wishing him a good rest of the day then switched over to his other active text thread. Sebastian was talking about the pretentious classmates he had which had Blaine laughing.

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson:**  
I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t get along with the pretentious assholes in your class. ;) Do you have plans tonight? _

_**Sebastian Smythe:**  
Cute. Real cute. If you think I’m bad, just wait until you meet some of these assholes. It’s ridiculous. And no, just piles and piles of homework. _

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson:**  
Kurt has a show he’s going to and I have homework too. Want to come over and do homework together? _

_**Sebastian Smythe:**  
Sure. I’ll pick up food on the way if you don’t already have plans. What do you want? _

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson:**  
You don’t have to do that! Whatever you want, though. I’m not picky. :)_

_**Sebastian Smythe:**  
I know I don’t have to. You have to have some sort of preference though. _

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson:**  
Chinese? Only if you want. _

_**Sebastian Smythe:**  
Okay. I’ll be there around 7. _

Blaine stared at the texts for a while, wondering if he was making a mistake. But they were friends. That was it. And there was no reason he couldn’t spend time with Sebastian in his apartment as friends. It was like inviting over Sam.

And Kurt obviously didn’t have a problem with it. So that was that.

***

Blaine felt like it should be awkward between them. He thought it would make him feel guilty to have Sebastian in the apartment he shared with Kurt. But Sebastian looked completely relaxed as they spread their homework out on the coffee table and ate on the couch with music playing low in the background.

“So, where is Kurt?” 

Blaine let out a breath, taking a bite of fried rice while he looked at the homework, not wanting to see whatever expression was on Sebastian’s face. “He’s seeing a play with some friends. I didn't feel like going.”

Sebastian nodded and Blaine finally looked over at him. “So, what’s up with you anyway? You look like somebody burned a bottle of hair gel in front of you.”

Blaine opened his mouth, prepared to say nothing was wrong but he knew Sebastian wasn’t going to believe him. He sighed softly. “Never mind.”

“Hey, we’re friends, right?” Sebastian asked, poking Blaine’s arm with the clean end of his chopstick. Blaine rolled his eyes, although his lips twitched completely without his permission. “It’s okay to talk about it.”

“Marriage is just… hard,” Blaine said past a lump in his throat, chancing a glance over at Sebastian. The other man was looking at him with something that could be sympathy in his eyes. Blaine could count on one hand the number of times he’d seen the expression on Sebastian’s face. It made even more emotion well in his chest, really threatening his composure. “I thought it would be easier. I thought… I don’t know… that we’d really try this time.”

Sebastian seemed to war with himself for a moment before he set his chopsticks on his plate and his plate on the coffee table. “Blaine, I’m going to try to say this as nicely as possible which isn’t easy for me, but I can’t see why getting married would change anything about you. You guys had a wedding but you’re still the same people.”

Blaine let out a shaky breath, shaking his head. “I know that. I mean, obviously, I know that. But choosing to get married… When we broke up, when he ended our engagement, he told me he didn’t want to marry me, that we should end our relationship before we ruined it. But then we were standing there and… Brittany and Santana were saying we should get married and I thought why wait? What point was there if we were just going to get married anyway and…” 

“And?” Sebastian asked softly.

Looking down at his plate, Blaine swallowed past the lump in his throat. He couldn’t look at Sebastian as he continued. “And I guess he felt the same way. I thought that getting married meant something. I thought it proved something, like it mattered. Like it was proof of us being in love or something. Proof we both wanted to work on this.”

Sebastian nodded, chewing on his lower lip in a way that Blaine had to look away from. “I’m not trying to be that guy, Blaine. I hope you know that because I like being friends with you and I’m not trying to fuck that up like I did last time. But was getting married what you both wanted?”

And there it was. That was exactly what Blaine was constantly worried about. Because he’d been so nervous in the moment that he’d barely registered Kurt’s emotions. Then they’d agreed and it was his _wedding day_ and that was all that mattered. But now, he could look back and he could picture the unsure look on Kurt’s face, hear the way Kurt kept arguing against it. Had Kurt actually wanted to get married to him?

“I don’t know. I thought we’d come to New York and plan another ceremony since Kurt’s been planning his wedding since he was basically a toddler…. But it just feels like we got married and that was it and now we’re just… back to everything that was wrong before.”

Sebastian breathed out, picking up his plate again although he left his chopsticks sitting on it. “I don’t- I don’t think I have any advice for you. Marriage and relationships aren’t my forte. You know what I’m thinking, Blaine. You deserve to be happy.”

“He makes me happy,” Blaine said, poking at his vegetables with his chopsticks, knowing he had to amend his statement. “He makes me happy when it’s just us. There’s no outside world, no… lives.”

“But you guys do have lives,” Sebastian murmured, shifting a bit so he could face Blaine easier. Blaine looked up at him, trying desperately not to cry. 

It wasn’t fair and he reached up, rubbing his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m bringing the mood down. I didn’t invite you over for this.”

“Hey, no. It’s fine. Really. I told you that you could talk to me. That’s what friends are for, right? I mean, I wouldn’t know. I don’t like people but…” Sebastian said, giving Blaine a playful smile.

Blaine laughed, feeling some of the tension leave him as he took another bite. “You can’t pretend with me anymore. You made the mistake of showing me you have a heart underneath those outrageously preppy shirts you wear.”

Sebastian grinned, looking down at Blaine and raising his eyebrows. “You have no room to talk about preppy outfits, Blaine.”

“Thank you for listening to me, Sebastian,” Blaine said, knowing he was changing the subject. Sebastian shrugged his shoulders, looking embarrassed over the words. “I really don’t want to mope. I asked you to come over so I wouldn’t mope so don’t let me.”

“Okay. Deal. So, let me tell you then, that your chopstick technique is awful.”

Blaine shook his head, biting his lip so Sebastian wouldn’t see the way he was about to start laughing again. “Alright. Tell me more about your pretentious classmates.”

Sebastian groaned, rolling his eyes and sitting back against the couch, launching into another story that had Blaine laughing. When he was done, he asked about Blaine’s classes and Blaine stuttered a bit over his words, not used to telling stories about his day. Sebastian normally asked him about what he was doing over text but it was different sitting and talking with him like this.

By the time they were mostly done with their homework, it was late and Blaine watched Sebastian put his papers back into his messenger bag.

“Thank you for coming over,” Blaine said quietly, moving in to hug Sebastian and feeling the taller man hug him back.

Sebastian smiled as he pulled away, reaching up to tuck one of Blaine’s loose curls behind his ear. “No outrageous gel today?” Blaine flushed, reaching up self-consciously but Sebastian grabbed his hand, shaking his head. “It’s not bad. I was just wondering.”

Blaine shrugged his shoulders as Sebastian let go of his hand, letting his own drop to the side. “I just didn’t feel like I needed to re-apply it when I knew you were coming over.”

Sebastian stared at Blaine for a moment before he nodded, his eyes dark with an emotion that made Blaine’s stomach twist. With a speed that startled Blaine, Sebastian leaned in, hugging him again before pulling back quickly. “Maybe you should think about that,” Sebastian whispered, quiet enough that Blaine could pretend he didn’t hear him.

It was better if Blaine didn’t hear him. He twisted his ring as he said goodbye to Sebastian, closing the door decidedly behind him.

Blaine was already asleep by the time Kurt got home. He listened with one ear as his husband moved quietly through the bedroom before getting into bed, staying on his own side. Blaine buried his face into his pillow, clenching his fist into the sheet and trying not to think about what Sebastian had said when he was leaving.


	4. Chapter 4

Two weeks later, Blaine and Kurt’s relationship hadn’t thawed. It was hard to remain mad at each other when they were living together but they were avoiding each other more often than not. It felt like they were roommates more than anything. Kurt was in the shower when he got home and Blaine went to the bedroom to change and switch out a few of his books for studying later.

Kurt came into their bedroom, towel wrapped around his waist and he stopped when he saw Blaine. “Hey. I didn’t know you were home already,” Kurt said, clearing his throat as he went to the closet to start getting dressed.

“Just came in,” Blaine murmured, taking a moment to just look at his husband before sighing and turning away. In the two weeks, they hadn’t been intimate once which Blaine knew was when they were always having problems. They really were living two different lives right now. “You’re still going out tonight, right?”

“Mm-hmm,” Kurt murmured as he headed towards the bathroom again, hesitating at the door. “And Sebastian is coming over again?”

Blaine shook his head, picking up his bag and wondering if Sebastian would come over so Blaine didn’t have to move from his couch. In the two weeks since Sebastian had first come over, the other man had been over twice. Kurt was rarely at the apartment anymore, always out with friends or classmates. It gave Blaine something to do and Kurt had even seemed to encourage it, maybe to keep from feeling guilty over being gone so much.

“No, I’m going over there. That’s still okay, right?”

Kurt shrugged, turning away. “I already told you it’s fine. And you’re okay with me going out?”

Honestly, Blaine wasn’t even sure he could really say. Was he okay with Kurt going out? It was hard to say. He wanted the two of them to have time to work on their relationship but he had a feeling Kurt was going to continue to ice him out. “Of course,” Blaine said.

Kurt nodded before leaving the bedroom. 

It felt like they were being pulled apart, a rubber band that was threatening to snap. Blaine wanted to alleviate the tension but he couldn’t do it alone. They both had to come back together and honestly, Blaine wasn’t sure when that was going to happen.

“Have a good night, I love you,” Blaine called with a sigh, pulling a beanie over his mostly loose curls and heading out the front door. He didn’t let himself dwell, pulling out a textbook to read on the way. 

When he got to Sebastian’s apartment, he shook his head. He knew Sebastian’s father was paying Sebastian’s share of the rent but it was nicer than he’d imagined. Sebastian had been completely unrepentant when he’d told Blaine that, saying it gave him more time to do homework. Blaine couldn’t really talk when part of what had him so exhausted was his part-time job at the library. Still, that job gave him time to do his homework there.

Sebastian opened the door with a smile and appraising eyes, moving aside so Blaine could step inside and pull off his hat. “I thought I’d have the apartment to myself but my roommate’s date cancelled so he’s here.”

Blaine immediately reached up to touch his hair but Sebastian grabbed his wrist, his thumb rubbing in slow circles along his pulse point. 

“It’s fine, Blaine. I promise,” Sebastian assured him, meeting his eyes and not looking away as Blaine took a few deep breaths. 

He knew he was being ridiculous, that it wasn’t something he should be worried about. If Blaine wasn’t in such a negative mindset, it wouldn’t bother him. But Sebastian obviously trusted whoever it was and there was nothing for Blaine to be concerned about. It didn’t completely alleviate Blaine’s anxiety but it helped.

Blaine nodded after a moment. He expected Sebastian to let go of him but the other man made no move to.

“C’mon. I’ll introduce you,” Sebastian said, leading Blaine into the kitchen area, still gently stroking his skin. The man who must be his roommate was standing at the microwave, making popcorn. He was unfairly attractive, as tall as Sebastian, with dirty blond hair and a pleasant smile. “Blaine, this is my roommate Reggie. He transferred to Dalton our senior year so you never met him. Reggie, this is Blaine.”

“The former Warbler dreamboat you talk about all the time. Got it. Nice to meet you, Blaine,” Reggie responded, giving the two of them a salute.

Sebastian scowled although he didn’t look as embarrassed as Blaine felt. He knew Sebastian had respected what he had done as a Warbler and had talked him up at Dalton. But the fact that he still talked about Blaine all the time? “I’m telling Stacy about what you said when you were drunk the other night if you don’t go to your room in the next five minutes.”

Reggie snorted, grabbing a bowl and emptying his popcorn into it, leaning his hip against the counter and making no move to leave. “So, Blaine. What are you going to school for?”

“Uh. Probably musical theater. I’m still undecided as of yet,” Blaine said, reaching up and playing with the curls at the back of his neck. “What about you?”

“Four minutes,” Sebastian said, looking over at Blaine as he went to the refrigerator. “Do you want something to drink? Coffee? Coke?”

Blaine’s lips twitched in amusement. “Coke is fine, thank you.”

“Biomolecular science. And yes, everybody asks. It is as boring as it sounds,” Reggie said with a smirk, taking a few bites of popcorn as Sebastian grabbed two cans of soda out of the fridge. When Sebastian just looked at him, Reggie held up both of his hands and laughed. “Fine. I’m going. Have fun doing homework.”

Sebastian shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Sorry,” Sebastian said quietly as he went to make their own bag of popcorn.

But Blaine just smiled back at him, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s okay. He seems nice.”

“He is. Much too nice to be friends with me but we were on the lacrosse team together. And he’s basically the only straight boy who would go with Scandals with me to drink so,” Sebastian said as he got out a bowl.

With popcorn and soda, they went to the couch, spreading their homework out on the coffee table and Sebastian turned on his own playlist at a low volume. 

They worked in silence for a few minutes before Sebastian turned to face him. “Why do you only think you’re going into musical theater? You talked about wanting to go to NYADA even in your junior year.”

Blaine shrugged. “I don’t know. I just… have always planned on musical theater. Broadway is what me and Kurt have been planning for years. We have big plans but… I just wonder if Broadway is what I really want for myself.”

“What does Kurt have to do with your future plans?” Sebastian asked with a frown.

“You don’t understand, Sebastian,” Blaine said tiredly. He didn’t want to have to justify his dreams to Sebastian, especially when he wasn’t sure on them. And while Sebastian had been kind during their last discussion, he didn’t want to keep talking about his marriage with Sebastian. Something about it just felt wrong. He felt like he was talking badly about Kurt to Sebastian and he didn’t want to do that.

“You’re right. I don’t understand,” Sebastian responded, turning to face him on the couch, setting his book into his lap.

Blaine sighed, mimicking his position, pulling one of his legs underneath himself. “Why are you going into law then? Didn’t you say your dad was thrilled?”

Sebastian shrugged and he spoke as if it was something he was completely confident in. Blaine could only be envious. “He is thrilled but that’s not why I’m doing it. I like the idea of being a lawyer. I’m good at it. I can be as ruthless as I want. And technically, I’m going for a political science degree right now. I can choose any number of other careers if I decide I don’t want to go into law.”

That hadn’t been what Blaine had expected and he felt more lost than he had been. Sebastian had an actual answer, a plan, and a backup plan. It felt like everybody around him knew exactly what they wanted in life and Blaine had built his life around his relationship to Kurt. 

Sebastian frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know what to do. I feel lost,” Blaine said, knowing he should be self-conscious about the words but it was Sebastian. There was no judgement in his eyes, not the way there would be in Kurt’s eyes if he admitted he didn’t know what he wanted to do in his life. 

Sebastian reached out, touching Blaine’s hand gently. “You can do whatever you want, Blaine. You need to live your life for you.”

“How have you always been so confident? Even when we were teenagers, you looked like you knew exactly what was going on all the time.”

“I didn’t,” Sebastian argued, shrugging his shoulders and letting out a breath. “I didn’t know what I was doing. You should know that. I hurt you. All I did was hurt people. But I’m confident in who I am. I know what I can offer the world. You need to be more confident in yourself because Blaine, you’re amazing. You just need to see it.”

Blaine closed his eyes, afraid he was going to cry, as Sebastian reached up, running his fingers slowly through Blaine’s loose curls. Blaine leaned into Sebastian’s touch for a moment before he cleared his throat, pulling away abruptly and reaching up to wipe his eyes. Sebastian looked away quickly, back to his book.

After a moment, Blaine couldn’t resist the way he reached up, touching his curls and trying not to think about how Sebastian’s touch had made him feel, how his words felt. And, when he finally looked back up, he caught Sebastian watching him with a soft look in his eyes. Blaine flushed as he looked back at his homework.

***

That night, Blaine lay in bed, thinking about the conversation he’d had with Sebastian. The truth was, he liked the idea of going into musical theater. He liked singing and acting and had for as long as he remembered. But ever since West Side Story, when he’d known he’d hurt Kurt in ways he hadn’t wanted to, he’d felt like he needed to more carefully think of what goals he strived to achieve.

He wasn’t planning on hurting Kurt again, not after everything. He’d messed up so many times with their relationship. The cheating was only the main one but he knew how Kurt felt about some of Blaine’s traits. Even before they’d gotten together, Kurt had been jealous of the solos Blaine had in the Warblers. And Blaine knew he had constantly hurt Kurt by getting roles and opportunities Kurt had wanted.

Blaine didn’t need anything career-wise. His relationship with Kurt was more important. As long as Kurt was content and happy, that was what mattered. Blaine looked over at Kurt, his eyes scanning across his husband’s features.

“How was your night?” Blaine asked, propping himself up on his elbow so he could look at Kurt.

Kurt shrugged, reading over what Blaine assumed was his coursework. “It was fine. Tasha, you remember her, right? She got a role in this off-Broadway musical so we were all celebrating her. It’s exciting. How’s Sebastian?”

“He’s good,” Blaine said, not wanting to talk about Sebastian while he was with Kurt like this. He knew Kurt didn’t really care anyway and was just being polite. Blaine hesitated a moment before letting out a breath. “Where do you see yourself in ten years?”

Kurt frowned, looking over at him and blinking a few times. “What kind of a question is that? On Broadway. You know that. I’ll be graduating NYADA this year so hopefully I’ll get my first big role sometime in the next year or two. Married to you, of course.” It felt like an afterthought and Kurt obviously knew it, reaching out to tangle his fingers with Blaine, squeezing gently. “Why do you ask?”

Blaine chewed on the inside of his lip as he thought about it. He wasn’t willing to admit the conversation he’d had with Sebastian. He wasn’t hiding anything. He hadn’t done anything wrong, not really. But he knew Kurt wouldn’t have been thrilled by the topic of conversation, or the way Sebastian had touched him.

“I was just curious,” Blaine murmured, laying back down and fluffing his pillow underneath himself. “Do you know when we’ll be going out to karaoke again?”

Kurt shrugged, not looking over at him. “I’m not sure. I’ll ask my friends. Maybe this weekend?”

“Okay, let me know. I love you.” Blaine rolled away from Kurt and letting out a slow breath.

Kurt reached out, touching Blaine’s cheek gently before withdrawing. “I love you, Blaine,” he said, his voice full of emotion. Blaine could hear just how much he meant it.

Blaine rested his hands underneath his cheek, closing his eyes tight to keep from getting too emotional.

***

Blaine was regretting making this the night they went out to karaoke with their friends. Ever since Kurt had gotten home, he’d been in a worse mood than normal which was honestly saying something. Their relationship had been better lately and Blaine had no idea what he’d done to make Kurt so angry again.

They were silent as they headed in, their group already at their usual table, neither making any moves towards the bar. When they were both sitting, Blaine couldn’t help but frown, unable to miss how tense Kurt was as he stared at the table.

“Do you want to sing a duet?” he asked Kurt quietly, trying to figure out what might have happened to upset Kurt so much. He’d been fine when they’d left the house this morning, both of them at a good time, and kissing before they’d separated.

Kurt shook his head, not even bothering to turn towards Blaine. “Not really.”

“Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine,” Kurt said, swallowing hard and leaning towards Dani so he could involve himself in the conversation she was having with Rachel.

Blaine could tell it was a dismissal and he sighed, looking over and waving when he saw Sebastian coming in. “I’m getting us drinks,” Blaine said quietly, receiving no response.

Which was fine, Blaine tried to tell himself. Kurt was allowed to be upset and would tell him eventually. At least, he likely would. Blaine just wished that eventually wouldn’t take quite so long.

Blaine met Sebastian at the bar, leaning against the counter and smiling at him. “Long time no see,” Blaine teased, having just encountered him at the coffee shop that morning.

Sebastian laughed before shaking his head. “You know, I was never lying when I said you’re gorgeous in everything but you look so much better when your hair isn’t glued to your head. Your ass almost makes up for it in those pants but not quite.”

“You’re so predictable,” Blaine responded with a shake of his head and a soft smile. Then he hesitated, having thought about it a lot since he’d asked Kurt days ago. “Where do you see yourself in ten years?”

Sebastian frowned and he was obviously surprised by the abrupt question, leaning against the bar and taking a sip of his drink as he seemed to consider it. “Well, working as a lawyer, on my path to becoming a junior partner. I’d only be a few years, if that, out of law school so I’d still have some way to go but… What about you?”

Blaine had expected him to ask why Blaine was asking, not about Blaine’s own plans. When he’d asked Kurt, his husband hadn’t asked him so he wasn’t prepared. Judging by the patient look on Sebastian’s face, he knew he might be waiting for an answer. “I don’t know. I wish I knew. I just…”

Blaine couldn’t help but glance over at the table, at Kurt laughing with their friends. Sebastian followed his gaze and scowled.

“Your problem, Blaine, is you keep trying to do things for him. Why don’t you ever do anything for you?”

“We’re married, Sebastian. It’s a partnership. I’m supposed to do things for him,” Blaine said, knowing he had no room to be defensive.

Sebastian obviously knew it, his lips twisting into a cynical smile. “Really? What’s he doing for you?” 

Blaine drew in a breath, unable to answer that and feeling like anything he said, Sebastian would see through. 

Deflating a bit, Sebastian sighed, half reaching out before he looked over at the table again. Nobody was looking at them but Sebastian still withdrew his hand. “Do you want to sing together? We never really did that when we were teenagers.”

“I… Yeah. Okay. But I get to choose a song,” Blaine responded, taking the olive branch that was offered to him. He wasn’t in the mood to fight with Sebastian, not when he was already fighting with Kurt and he didn’t even know what that fight was for.

Sebastian nodded. “Yeah, deal,” he said, following Blaine back to the table. He said his greetings around the table as Blaine went to go try to choose a song they could sing together. 

It made him think of singing with him at Dalton, when the Warblers tried to convince him to transfer back in his senior year. Back when Blaine was still punishing himself for cheating on Kurt. He didn’t think about it when he put the song Dark Side in for him and Sebastian to sing together.

He went back to the table, finding Sebastian and Jesse in a conversation. Blaine found himself chatting with one of Kurt’s classmates, almost forgetting about the duet until their names were said. Kurt looked over at their names being called but Blaine resolutely ignored him. Kurt wasn’t the only one who could be petty.

They stood up, taking the microphones and the song began playing. Sebastian tensed at his side, looking over at Blaine. Blaine couldn’t look over at him either, holding the microphone hard enough to turn his knuckles white. It wasn’t a traditional duet but they sang it easily, their voices complimenting each other in a way that had their table hooting and cheering. 

When the song was over, Blaine shoved the microphone at the karaoke host and walked off before Sebastian could say anything. He had the most startling urge to cry and he really wanted to look at Kurt, remind him what was important to him.

Kurt wasn’t at the table, though, and Blaine frowned. 

“He went outside,” Rachel explained and Blaine turned on his heel to go towards the door.

“Blaine,” Sebastian said, reaching out to grab Blaine’s arm, trying to turn him towards Sebastian. As if Blaine could actually talk to him right now. As if Blaine could try to explain it. He didn’t know what he’d say.

“Don’t,” Blaine snapped, knowing it wasn’t fair. He was the one who had chosen the song. He was the one who was making a bigger deal out of it than it had to be.

Sebastian withdrew, though, letting Blaine walk out of the bar. Kurt was pacing outside, his hands clasped behind his back. If he’d ever told Kurt about it, Blaine would’ve thought he was upset about Blaine and Sebastian’s duet. But he knew it wasn’t that. Kurt knew Blaine had considered transferring in his senior year but not how close he had come.

“What’s wrong?” Blaine asked, rubbing his upper arms and wishing he’d brought his coat out with him. It was still sitting on the booth, though, and he wasn’t prepared to go in to get it.

“Nothing.”

Blaine hesitated, seeing the lines of tension in Kurt’s body, the way he was wringing his hands. And he wished Kurt trusted that he knew him well enough to know when he was lying about that. “Is it because I sang a duet with Sebastian?”

Kurt turned to give Blaine a dark look. “It has nothing to do with you, Blaine. Although, I would’ve preferred some warning before you sang a duet with the guy who tried to steal you away from me when we were teenagers.”

Blaine was startled by the vehemence in Kurt’s voice since the other man hadn’t had a problem with Sebastian yet. “Why don’t you talk to me about it, then? We’re married. You can talk to me. You keep acting like you don’t care about me being friends with him. If it bothers you then I don’t need to-”

“God, Blaine, will you just stop talking?” Kurt snapped, turning and facing Blaine with the full display of his anger. “It’s not about Sebastian, for god’s sakes. I don’t care that you two are friends now because you’re just _like that_. You don’t realize he has awful intentions and always has. It’s not all about you! I didn’t get a part in the musical that I was auditioning for. That I’ve been practicing and rehearsing for and…” 

When Kurt trailed off, Blaine sighed quietly, sympathy filling him as he tried to approach Kurt, wanting to comfort him. His husband moved back, holding up a hand. “Kurt… I’m so sorry. I didn’t even know you had auditioned. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because, Blaine… Because…” And Kurt had to look down, swallowing audibly. “Because I didn’t _want_ to talk to you about it.”

Blaine had expected a lot but not that. He drew in a hurt breath and let it out slowly. “I’m your _husband_ , Kurt. I’m trying to be supportive. Why don’t you let me?”

Kurt shook his head, anger making his tone mean. “I know you’re trying to be supportive. That’s part of the damn problem. I don’t want to talk to you. You don’t know what it’s like. You don’t understand. You don’t know what it’s like to keep getting passed over these opportunities over and over again. You never have. I helped coach a stupid high school show choir to a win at Nationals and I _still_ can’t get a role at my college. I’m graduating this year and I have nothing to show for it. You just go through life without a care in the world, opportunities just falling into your lap. When am I going to get something?”

“Kurt,” Blaine breathed, again trying to approach him and Kurt took a physical step back, wrapping his arms around himself. 

“Don’t. I’m not in the mood for your optimistic bullshit. This is why I didn’t tell you,” Kurt snapped, walking around Blaine with a wide berth and heading back into the bar.

Blaine stood exactly where he was, hurt and angry and unable to express any of it. He could barely breathe, not wanting to head back inside. Instead, he moved to sit down on a bench, resting his head in his hands and rubbing his eyes. Kurt didn’t want to talk to him. The words echoed around him, monumental in a way that Blaine resolutely refused to chip away at.

He was startled when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and he looked up, not surprised to see Sebastian looking down at him with a concerned expression.

“Kurt came in without you. What happened?”

Blaine shook his head, sniffing and rubbing his eyes to catch the few stray tears that had escaped before he was standing up. “Nothing. He’s just stressed out. Didn’t get the part he was after.”

“Just stressed out?” Sebastian asked, his voice angry in a different way than Kurt’s had been. 

Blaine sighed, his shoulders slumping as he looked down. “Sebastian, I don’t want to talk about him. Please.”

“Yet everything you do seems to come back to him,” Sebastian snapped.

And Blaine hadn’t let himself get angry with Kurt, worried about what Kurt’s reaction would be, he didn’t worry about Sebastian. He didn’t worry that Sebastian would walk away, not the way he thought Kurt would. And maybe that was something he should think about more fully but it wasn’t the time. Now, he just let himself be angry and hurtful. “What are you even doing here, Sebastian? What could you possibly get out of a night with me and Kurt and Kurt’s friends? If you want to do karaoke why don’t you go out yourself?”

Just as Blaine had suspected, Sebastian didn’t walk away. Instead, he stepped closer, his eyes startlingly green and serious in the faint light from the bar they were outside of. “Because I like being around you. I don’t constantly compliment you for my health, killer. Besides, it seems like you need somebody who’s around for you.”

Blaine swallowed hard, feeling tears fill his eyes again as he looked up at Sebastian. It was staggering how fast Sebastian could wipe away his anger with just a few carefully chosen words. Sebastian was just reaching out for Blaine when the door to the bar opened and Rachel peeked her head out.

“Blaine! You need to come sing with me. Kurt won’t do a duet and Jesse is trying to act like he doesn’t think I can pull off Dolly Parton. I can sing _anybody_ ,” Rachel insisted, looking between the two as Sebastian leaned back, taking a deep breath.

Blaine smiled over at her, nodding quickly. “Sure. Go ahead and put the song in. I’ll be in in just a second,” he told her.

Rachel clapped her hands and headed back inside while Blaine turned back to Sebastian, opening and then closing his mouth.

“Shouldn’t Kurt be here for me?” Blaine asked softly.

And Sebastian reached out again, as if he couldn’t help himself. He cupped Blaine’s cheek gently, his thumb sliding along Blaine’s cheekbone in a caress that made Blaine shiver. “You have to answer that,” Sebastian whispered. 

Blaine could only stare at him for a moment before he ducked away, heading back inside without another word. It was a few minutes before Sebastian came back into the bar.


	5. Chapter 5

Blaine entered the coffee shop, looking at his watch. He and Sebastian had started coordinating coming to the coffee shop to make sure they were there at the same time in the morning. Blaine had thought it would be awkward, worried he’d have to say something about the duet they sang or Kurt, but Sebastian had seemed willing to let the conversation threads be dropped. Blaine wasn’t sure if he was grateful or not.

Sebastian came in only a few moments after him, grinning and nudging Blaine’s shoulder as the two got in line. “I almost had to get coffee without you. I was up early and need the caffeine.”

“You don’t have to wait for me,” Blaine said with a small smile, touched that Sebastian would wait for him that way.

Sebastian just grinned back, shrugging his shoulder. “It’s fine. I don’t mind. It gave me a few minutes to finish homework I really should’ve done last night.”

Blaine nodded, stepping forward and then glancing back at him. “So, if you don’t have any plans for Halloween, Kurt and I are hosting a party. Everybody who normally comes to karaoke will be there, plus some other people. You can invite your roommate if you want.”

Sebastian hesitated and Blaine flushed at the appraising way the other man seemed to look at him. Then Sebastian nodded. “Sure. Sounds like fun. I’ll ask Reggie if he wants to come too. He’ll probably bring his girlfriend, though.”

“That’s fine,” Blaine murmured as they stepped up to order their coffee together, Blaine paying this time since Sebastian had last time. When they got their coffee, Blaine glanced at the time before looking over at him. “Do you have time to sit for a minute?”

The taller man laughed, tweaking Blaine’s bowtie. “As if we don’t talk a hundred times a day?” he teased but he nodded, not arguing with the idea of sitting and chatting.

Blaine didn’t have anything important to say but it was always relaxing just to sit and talk to Sebastian. They talked about their classes; about everything they would undoubtedly talk about again when texting later that day. But it relaxed Blaine, after Kurt had left before he was up that morning. Blaine felt better when they finally parted ways, reminding Sebastian to ask his roommate about Halloween.

***

Blaine was scowling at himself in the mirror as he adjusted his Robin costume, thankful at least that he still had it after his stint in the Superhero Sidekicks Appreciation club. The club had been absorbed into The Secret Society of Superheroes Club when the members had voted but Blaine had kept the Robin outfit just in case.

He and Kurt had originally planned on wearing matching costumes but they’d argued and fought and ignored each other until it was finally too late. Kurt wore his Lumiere costume he’d had in storage for a rainy day and Blaine pulled his Robin costume on.

They were still mad at each other and Blaine didn’t bother to look for him when he came out of the bathroom. Instead, he headed towards the kitchen, where Elliott was mixing a drink. The apartment was buzzing with noise, music playing over a speaker in the corner of the room, and Rachel talking loud enough to wake the dead in another corner. At least it wasn’t only Kurt’s friends since Blaine had extended the invitation to most of his classmates as well.

“Blaine, perfect! Somebody I know. Let’s do shots,” Elliott said, grabbing two disposable shot glasses before Blaine could argue.

Blaine had no intention of arguing, nodding his head and letting Elliott pour whiskey into two of the glasses. It wasn’t his shot of choice but it was Halloween and he was annoyed enough not to car. The alcohol burned all the way down although he was quickly distracted when he saw Sebastian and Reggie come in with a girl who must be Reggie’s girlfriend. Elliott had to laugh.

“Kurt’s going to be pissed if you coordinated that,” Elliott told him. Blaine rolled his eyes, having a feeling Kurt was going to be pissed anyway.

“We didn’t,” he responded, heading towards the front door and hugging Sebastian in greeting. 

Reggie was dressed as Superman, temporary black dye in his hair and a faux-effortless front curl. The girl he was with, Stacy, Blaine thought, was dressed as Wonder Woman, complete with a lasso hanging from her belt. Reggie was smirking between Blaine and Sebastian, an amused gleam in his eye. Because Sebastian was dressed as Batman, down to the mask and cape. 

“You two even have the height difference thing going on,” Reggie teased and Blaine laughed, shoving him playfully. “Blaine, this is Stacy, my girlfriend. Stacy, Blaine, Sebastian’s… friend.”

Blaine stuck his hand out, shaking Stacy’s hand politely although he could barely look away from Sebastian.

“Alright, show me the booze. That’s why we came,” Sebastian said, giving Reggie a look that Blaine couldn’t quite decipher. 

“Shut up,” Blaine responded easily, leading the three through the crowded living room. He introduced them around as they weaved through their friends, hitting the kitchen where Elliott coerced them into another round of shots.

Blaine was feeling pleasantly buzzed as Reggie, Stacy and Elliott started talking about NYU and Sebastian leaned against the counter.

“So, Batman, huh?” Blaine asked, crossing his arms over his chest and smiling as he looked Sebastian up and down. “I don’t know if I pegged you for a superhero fan.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, killer,” Sebastian pointed out and Blaine knew it was true.

They talked a lot but generally about surface topics, their classes and their days. Blaine was surprised by the deep longing in him to really get to know Sebastian. He wanted to know if Batman was his favorite superhero, whether he’d liked him since he was a kid. Blaine let out a breath, knowing he couldn’t just assault Sebastian with questions no matter how much he wanted to.

“Why Batman?” Blaine finally asked, taking a sip of his drink.

Sebastian smiled, shrugging a shoulder. “He’s always been my dad’s favorite. You know, tall, dark, brooding superhero who uses his money to get him places. Right up my dad’s alley. My nursery was actually Batman themed. My mom wanted a Noah’s Ark theme but my dad tends to get what he wants.”

“Really?” Blaine asked and Sebastian nodded, not looking the tiniest bit self-conscious about that adorable bit of trivia. 

It was likely because the music was so loud that there was no way anybody but Blaine could actually hear him but it was cute anyway.

“Why Robin? Why aren’t you wearing that ridiculous blue costume you wore when we were teenagers?” Sebastian asked and Blaine tilted his head to the side, laughing when he remembered him and Sam dressing up to steal the Nationals trophy back. 

“Oh, I forgot you saw me in that. The chestplate broke when we moved into this apartment. I plan on fixing it one day but I had the Robin costume ready,” Blaine explained, looking over and seeing Reggie engrossed in his conversation. “Let’s go outside so we can talk.”

Sebastian nodded, letting Blaine lead him through the crowd towards the small balcony. Kurt had deemed it off-limits for smoking so it was empty and Blaine brushed off the chairs so they could sit down. “Anything in particular you’d like to talk about?” Sebastian asked.

Blaine shook his head, setting his drink on the ground and tilting the chair so he was facing Sebastian. Sebastian mimicked him, taking a long drink. “No. But you’re right. I don’t really know a lot about you and we’ve been friends off and on for years.”

“Ah,” Sebastian murmured, leaning back in his chair and looking at Blaine with an amused gleam in his eye. “I thought you might finally want to explain to me why you chose Dark Side as our duet.”

Blaine flushed, breathing out and knowing that was probably fair. He knew he owed Sebastian an explanation because it had been obvious by Blaine’s reaction that he hadn’t just chosen it for nostalgia. 

“Okay, sorry. I told myself I wasn’t going to bring it up. Anything in particular you want to know? I’m an open book,” Sebastian said with a grin, crossing his ankles and leaning the chair back on two legs. It looked ridiculous considering he was in Batman’s armor, the cape fluttering to the floor.

“Nothing in particular. Although, I’m dying to know where you got that costume,” Blaine said, touching the rim of his glass as he looked at Sebastian with a smirk.

“I don’t suppose you’ll believe that I made it,” Sebastian responded, grinning when Blaine shook his head. “Alright. No, I didn’t think so. We got them at a costume supply shop. Stacy wanted to do Wonder Woman and I figured it was a good time to dress as Batman. I haven’t since I was a kid.”

Blaine nodded because he did believe that. “I started The Secret Society of Superheroes Club at McKinley my senior year. That’s where Nightbird came from. Well, I came up with the concept when I was a kid with my brother but I made the costume then.”

“The credit commercial guy,” Sebastian said, obviously remembering what Blaine had told him in their junior year. It was the short time when they were talking again, after Sebastian had apologized, before Blaine and Kurt had their big fight about Chandler. Their friendship had been stilted then but Blaine had told Sebastian Cooper was in town.

“Yeah, that one. He’s kind of crazy but really creative. We were always coming up with crazy things like new superheroes and games to play,” Blaine said, feeling himself starting to get nostalgic as he thought about his brother. He knew how unlikely it was that he’d be seeing him anytime soon. Of course, he could go to California without Kurt but he felt like that would be a bad idea. “His superhero creation was Scarlet Wings because he always liked the idea of flying. I came up with Nightbird from his, although he made me choose blue as my color scheme so I wasn’t copying him too much.”

Sebastian was looking at him with a fond expression in his eyes, an amused smile on his lips. “I’m having the easiest time in the world picturing you as a little boy in blue pajamas, jumping around and pretending you could fly.”

“That’s an accurate image,” Blaine admitted, ducking his head before taking a drink and looking back up at Sebastian.

Blaine had been worried it would be different, to sit here and talk about their past, to get to know each other in a deeper way than they already did. But it was just as easy as breathing, the way it always was between the two of them. Sebastian told him that he’d always been interested in superheroes, admitting to the comic book collection he’d left in storage in Ohio. 

It was surprising to Blaine, how much he really hadn’t let himself know about Sebastian. He’d always been the one talking to the other boy and he wondered now whether that was Blaine or Sebastian’s doing. Now, Sebastian opened up, looking completely carefree as their conversation weaved from superheroes to pets they’d had as kids to France to California.

Blaine didn’t even know how much time had passed when the door opened and he looked up, seeing his husband stepping into the doorway. Kurt crossed his arms and Blaine frowned but Kurt didn’t look angry.

“Hey. Everything okay in there?” Blaine asked, knowing he wasn’t being a great host. But he didn’t feel very apologetic about it, not when he and Sebastian were having so much fun.

Kurt shrugged. “It’s fine. Rachel’s breaking out the karaoke machine. I thought you’d be interested in a duet to help kick off the singing.”

It was an olive branch and Blaine recognized it as such. He had a feeling Kurt wouldn’t be extending it if Sebastian wasn’t there, looking between the two of them but he would take what he could get. “Yeah, of course,” Blaine said, looking over at Sebastian, who gave him a short shrug in return. 

Kurt nodded, not even looking over at Sebastian as he headed back into the apartment. 

“This was fun,” Blaine said quietly, picking up his empty glass and watching Sebastian do the same. The light of the stars illuminated Sebastian’s features and Blaine had to take a deep breath, forcing himself to look away. “I’m really glad you came.”

Sebastian nodded, a twist to his lips that made Blaine wonder if he really agreed. But Blaine wasn’t going to dwell on it. “Of course. Go ahead. I know you can’t resist any chance to pick up a microphone.”

Blaine hesitated, not sure if Sebastian meant that the way he sounded, the way Kurt would’ve said it. But Sebastian’s features had settled into an easy smile, making Blaine wonder if he’d had the first expression at all. “You should sing.”

“I’d rather listen to you,” Sebastian said, a warm honesty in his tone that had Blaine drawing in a shaky breath that he prayed the other man couldn’t hear. “I’m sure Kurt’s waiting.”

Nodding, Blaine headed into the living room, seeing Kurt and Rachel already fussing with the machine. Kurt looked up, giving Blaine a smile as he handed over one of the microphones.

It was easy to sing with Kurt. It always had been. They sounded good together and had a lot of fun when they were doing it. Kurt had chosen a Katy Perry song, one that he knew Blaine loved, which Blaine appreciated. Sebastian had gotten another drink and was standing in the corner, staring at him with an unreadable expression as he spoke with Reggie and Stacy.

Midway through the song, Blaine turned, flirting easily with Kurt as they sang and danced around each other. When he looked back, Reggie and Stacy were talking quietly and Sebastian was heading towards the front door.

Blaine nearly faltered, confused, although he was able to finish the song like a professional. When it was over, he passed his microphone to Jesse and headed towards the corner.

“You were great,” Reggie said with a nod. “I can see why Sebastian always talks about how talented you are.”

Blaine laughed. “Thanks. Where is Sebastian? Did he leave?”

The two in front of him hesitated, looking at each other before Reggie nodded. “Yeah. He said he wasn’t feeling well. He told us to apologize for him but let you know he had to go.”

Blaine looked down, surprised by how much it hurt for Sebastian to leave so quickly after the conversation they were having. But that wasn’t fair, was it? Blaine was married and Sebastian didn’t owe him anything. Still, they were friends, weren’t they? Friends could sit for hours and talk. “Oh,” Blaine murmured, looking over at where Rachel and Jesse were singing and then at Kurt making another drink in the kitchen.

“He talks about you a lot,” Reggie said after a moment and Blaine froze, turning to face him again. The other man seemed to be warring with himself before he continued. “He doesn’t really go out anymore like he used to. Last year, he was constantly at the bars, picking up guys and bringing them back to the apartment. But ever since he ran into you again, he acts like a different person.”

There was nothing judgmental in the words but Blaine still tilted his chin defensively. “He was awful in our junior year. So, it’s probably a good thing he’s changed.”

Reggie smiled, as if he was amused by what Blaine had said. “He told me most of what he did. But I’m talking about right now, this year and how different he is since the two of you reconnected. All he talks about is you.”

“We’re friends,” Blaine said, looking down and then back up at Reggie. He knew Reggie had said the same thing before but it was different now, in the apartment he shared with Kurt. “I’m married.”

A slow nod and then Reggie looked behind Blaine, where Kurt was calling Blaine. Blaine turned his head, giving Kurt a quick nod to let him know he’d be right over. “I know. So, does he. He cares about you and has no desire to mess up your life or your marriage. And that’s why he left.”

Blaine drew in a breath, turning to look at Reggie but the other man was already wrapping an arm around Stacy. “I…”

“I think we’re gonna head out too. Thanks for the invite, though. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around soon.”

Blaine nodded, saying goodbye and then turning to face Kurt again. He heard the front door opening and closing and knew he needed to put one foot in front of the other to approach his husband. All he could hear was Reggie’s voice in his head. _All he talks about is you. He cares about you. And that’s why he left._

He knew as far as either one of them were concerned that the conversation hadn’t happened. He would pretend with Sebastian that Reggie hadn’t told him.

But he had told him. And, even as Blaine headed over, wrapped an arm around Kurt’s waist and cuddled against his side, he dwelled on it.

***

Blaine was pouring himself a coffee when Kurt came into the kitchen and Blaine reached up to grab another mug for him. He’d been angry at Kurt ever since their first anniversary but he was tired of it. Brittany and Santana had invited Blaine and Kurt over and they’d reluctantly agreed. They’d planned on a nice early dinner with the girls to celebrate their mutual anniversary and then gone home to celebrate with each other.

“Good morning,” Blaine murmured as he handed over the mug, stirring sugar into his own and not looking over at him.

“Morning,” Kurt responded and Blaine could feel his gaze on him as he put bread in the toaster. 

Blaine knew he’d been late on their anniversary. He’d admitted that and it was his fault. But Kurt was the one who’d cancelled their evening plans because of it. And honestly, neither of them had been in the mood. They’d gone to Brittany and Santana’s, neither of them wanting to admit to the girls how much their marriage had deteriorated, and then studied on opposite ends of the apartment when they’d gotten home.

Since then, they’d rarely talked besides pleasantries in the morning and night. It was both of their faults. They had a lot of homework to do and hurt feelings to let fade. But Blaine wasn’t hurt anymore, not over their anniversary. All he was hurt by was how cool things were between them.

“Do you have any plans for this weekend?” Blaine asked, before he could reconsider whether it was a good idea. He wanted things to be okay between them and he knew he was the one who had to reach out. He loved Kurt and all of the other man’s flaws and knew Kurt wasn’t the type to reach out when he didn’t feel like he was wrong. “Because I was thinking we should do something. Go out on a date, maybe? I’ve missed you.”

Kurt blew on his coffee, smiling softly, and Blaine felt himself fill with longing. He wanted to love Kurt, let Kurt love him back. That was all Blaine wanted. Kurt moved forward, pressing a kiss to Blaine’s cheek and staying close while Blaine leaned against the counter, taking a sip of his coffee. “Sure. That sounds like fun. Saturday night?”

Blaine smiled back, relieved that Kurt seemed to be interested as well. He knew they could fix things between them. After everything they’d been through, they could get through anything. He reached out, his fingers just playing along the back of Kurt’s hand. “I actually have plans with Sebastian on Saturday. We’re at Iron Man 2 in our Marvel rewatch. Is Friday okay? Because I can cancel with Sebastian if not.”

“No, Friday is fine,” Kurt assured him, tilting his hand so he could tangle their fingers, squeezing Blaine’s hand gently. “I don’t want you to have to cancel your plans. I like Robert Downey Jr. just fine but it’s fun you have him to nerd out with you when Sam isn’t available.”

Blaine laughed, knowing it was a good point. Kurt tried to be a good sport when dealing with his superhero movies but he knew Kurt preferred when others could watch the movies with him. “I miss you,” Blaine whispered, looking down at their connected hands and then back at Kurt with a quiet sigh. “I hate fighting with you.”

Kurt nodded, setting his mug down so he could wrap his arms around Blaine, hooking his chin over Blaine’s shoulder and resting their heads together. “I don’t like fighting with you either,” Kurt whispered, and Blaine could hear the sincerity in his tone. 

Blaine assumed it was because all they ever did lately was fight. He wrapped his arms around Kurt, breathing in the feeling of having Kurt against him like this. Still, they did both have to get ready for school so he pulled back, picking up his mug again and smiling at Kurt. “How has school been going?”

“Good. I’m going to be working behind the scenes of the musical I didn’t get a part in so I can get some experience. I have to get going, though. I’ll see you tonight?” Kurt asked, waiting for Blaine to nod before he headed off towards the bedroom with his mug of coffee.

And Blaine took a breath, running his finger along the rim of his mug as he thought about how much better he felt right now. He was looking forward to the date with Kurt but… he wasn’t sure how much was just the relief over knowing they weren’t fighting.

***

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson:**  
I’m running late and had coffee at home. Just so you know! See you tomorrow, though? :)_

_**Sebastian Smythe**  
Coffee from home? The horror. That’s fine. Do you want to come over Friday to work on homework? Reggie will be out._

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson:**  
I actually have a date that night, sorry!_

_**Sebastian Smythe**  
Oh, really? Who’s the lucky guy?_

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson:**  
Ha. Ha. Funny. We’re still on for Saturday, though?_

_**Sebastian Smythe**  
Of course. Iron Man 2. Why wouldn’t I show up to watch a masterpiece like that? _

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson:**  
I’m sure you’re not talking badly about Iron Man! _

_**Sebastian Smythe**  
No, the first movie is great. I’m talking badly about Iron Man 2._

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson:**  
If you don’t love Tony Stark at his Iron Man 2, you don’t deserve him at his Iron Man 3! _

_**Sebastian Smythe**  
You are ridiculous. _

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson:**  
And yet you’re the one spending all your time with me! :) _

_**Sebastian Smythe**  
I guess I am. _


	6. Chapter 6

Friday came too fast and too slow. Blaine had been excited for the past two days and it had seemed to make things better between them. They were casually touching more, talking more. It seemed like they were really going to make this work, make things happen. They hadn’t mentioned the date again but Blaine went home immediately after class, wanting to spend as much time with Kurt as he possibly could.

He went to change into something a little fancier than the casual outfit he wore for class. He chose the bowtie that Kurt always liked best on him, a shirt that brought out the color of his eyes and Kurt complimented him on regularly. And he went to the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror and grasping the sink. For a moment, he considered himself, thinking about how he wanted to do his hair.

Then he let out a breath, running his fingers through the curls that had fallen out and sweeping them to the side. He wanted to feel comfortable with Kurt again and he didn’t want to feel like he had to hide behind anything, least of all an exorbitant amount of hair gel. 

When he felt like he looked his best, Blaine grabbed his schoolbag, heading towards the couch to wait for Kurt to arrive. 

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson**  
Hey, you almost home? I’m looking forward to our night! <3 _

Blaine put his phone to the side, reading a handful of pages and picking up his phone to call Kurt. The call went directly to voicemail and he frowned, wondering if Kurt’s phone was dead again. That was just like Kurt so Blaine sighed, figuring his husband would be coming home soon.

The two had come to New York with the best of intentions. They were going to solve everything. He knew Kurt wouldn’t have married him if he didn’t feel like they were going to be together forever. But he was finding even their best of intentions weren’t good enough when Kurt wasn’t willing to try. And honestly, Blaine wasn’t sure how much longer he could be the only one who wanted this.

Blaine liked to believe it had been so easy when they were in high school but had it been? Transferring to McKinley had been terrifying and Blaine had constantly felt like he was doing things wrong. It had taken him months before he was comfortable with the New Directions, he constantly took opportunities that Kurt wanted, he couldn’t tell Sebastian to leave him alone until he’d already hurt Kurt.

But it had still felt a lot easier then. 

Blaine tried to study but he kept getting distracted by the clock. He knew how long it took Kurt to get home, knew when he was late even if his classes had taken too long and the subway was late. They were in New York and Blaine knew things happened. But he wasn’t an idiot.

By the time Kurt was two hours late, Blaine was too close to crying to stay in the apartment. He didn’t want Kurt to see him.

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson**  
Can I still come over? _

_**Sebastian Smythe**  
Of course. I’m just going to be doing homework for the rest of the night. _

For a moment, Blaine looked at his text thread with Kurt, wondering if he should give him more time. But he couldn’t.

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson**  
I’m going over to Sebastian’s to do homework. Have a good night. _

***

Blaine picked up pizza on the way, needing some good old-fashioned, greasy comfort food. The kind that Blaine sometimes just wanted to indulge in even knowing how awful it was for him. The kind that Kurt so rarely would sit and enjoy with him. He knocked on the door to Sebastian’s apartment, pulling his sleeve down over his hands and trying not to look as downtrodden as he felt.

Sebastian opened the door, raising his eyebrows as he looked Blaine up and down before stepping aside so Blaine could come in. “Come on. Go sit down. I’ll grab plates. Want a coke?”

“Sure,” Blaine whispered, heading into the living room and sitting down, setting his bag down and pulling his textbook out.

Sebastian came back and the two piled pizza on their plates. For a while, they worked in silence between bites of pizza but Blaine could feel Sebastian looking at him intermittently. 

Blaine could barely look at Sebastian and the other man eventually sighed. “You look like a kicked puppy.”

The wording made Blaine smile for just a moment before he turned back to his pizza. “I feel like a kicked puppy,” Blaine said although honestly, he was more frustrated than upset. He could see that Sebastian was expecting more so he sighed, picking up a napkin and wiping his fingers before picking at the edges. “Kurt and I were supposed to go out tonight. And he’s … I don’t even know. His phone is dead and I just- Marriage hasn’t changed a thing between us.”

Sebastian tilted his head to the side, a sympathetic look in his eyes but a playful smirk on his lips. “Well, you upgraded your date tonight at least.”

Blaine let out a startled laugh, throwing his napkin at him. Sebastian snagged his wrist, holding on and moving closer to him on the couch. Although he knew he should, Blaine couldn’t look away from Sebastian’s eyes. 

“Why do you keep acting like you don’t deserve more? You’re not an idiot, Blaine and you’re aware of your own emotions. So, why?” Sebastian asked, his voice serious.

Blaine had to look away, appalled at how easy Sebastian could read him. But Sebastian had always been that way, looking at Blaine and knowing exactly what to say. He had always understood Blaine in a way that scared him. It had scared him then and it scared him now. It was easy to put on a show for Kurt, to become exactly who his husband wanted. But Sebastian wasn’t like that.

Every time Blaine tried to hide, Sebastian just gave him a look. Even when they’d been teenagers, Sebastian had been able to see through every time Blaine had tried to deny him. He was just able to see what Blaine wanted, knew exactly what to say to make heat fill him.

“I hurt him. Over and over again, I messed up. We hurt each other. But I love him and I want him to be happy. I want to make him happy. And I like how I feel when I’m with him,” Blaine responded, knowing the words were all jumbled and likely didn’t make much sense. But it was hard to articulate why he still believed in their relationship. He couldn’t just say he didn’t know what he’d be if he didn’t have Kurt.

Sebastian looked down at Blaine’s hand, at his hold he still had on Blaine’s wrist. The look on his face was enough to knock the breath out of Blaine, such genuine affection for Sebastian that Blaine knew he should pull away.

But he didn’t. He never did even when he knew he should.

“You like how he makes you feel or you like the thought of being loved? Because he’s not the only one who can love you, Blaine.”

Blaine’s lips parted, surprise and uncertainty and knowing he had to say something. He swallowed hard, not sure what he could even say. Just when he was prepared to ask for clarification, to bring to light what they’d been dancing around for so long, he heard his phone vibrate on the coffee table. Blaine wrenched away from him, grabbing his phone and seeing Kurt’s picture on his screen.

His breath was shaky and his heart was pounding as Blaine ignored the call.

“I have to go,” Blaine whispered, knowing he’d arrived barely an hour ago. But he couldn’t sit here with Sebastian, couldn’t stare into his eyes and let Sebastian talk about other people besides his husband loving him. Sebastian pressed his lips together but he obviously wasn’t willing to completely let go, not like every other time. He grabbed Blaine’s hand this time, tugging until they were close enough that their legs were touching on the couch. Blaine felt like his heart was going to pound out of his chest, looking at Sebastian seriously. “I want my marriage to work. I want to make him happy.”

“Who’s making you happy?”

“You,” Blaine breathed before he’d even realized it. They were both obviously startled by the answer and Blaine took the opportunity to pull away again, standing up and grabbing his bag. 

Sebastian didn’t try to touch him again, sitting on the couch exactly where Blaine had left him when he glanced back at the door. Blaine pulled the door closed behind him, leaning against it for a moment before he pulled his phone out to call Kurt back.

***

Blaine’s teeth were grinding together as he stared at his husband, sure the other man was being deliberately obtuse. “I told you it’s _fine_ to visit Ohio. I like Burt and Carole. But maybe we didn’t need to come back for Thanksgiving.”

Kurt stared at him, arms crossed tight over his chest. They were both exhausted, dark circles under their eyes and Blaine knew they should’ve gotten more sleep. But they’d argued about their plans up until when they’d finally gotten a cab from their apartment. And now it was continuing even though they were nearly to the Hummel household. 

“For God’s sakes, we’ve had this argument a dozen times already. If you wanted to stay home, we could’ve just stayed home!” Kurt snapped and yeah, he was definitely being deliberately obtuse. 

“You’re completely missing my point,” Blaine said, shaking his head and leaning his forehead against the window, unable to continue the argument. He knew he should’ve been clearer when they’d been home but Kurt didn’t listen to his opinions. Blaine _knew_ Kurt had known him long enough to understand his emotions better than the way he pretended to.

Kurt huffed out a breath as the taxi pulled into the driveway and was out the door as soon as they came to a complete stop. Blaine pressed his lips together, pulling his wallet and paying the fare before getting out to help with the bags.

“I don’t want to fight in front of them, please,” Kurt said quietly when they were standing on the front steps.

“Obviously I don’t either,” Blaine responded, his tone snappier than he meant it to be. He half-reached out, prepared to touch him, to comfort him or reassure him.

But Kurt stepped forward before he could, knocking on the door and Blaine let his hand fall to his side. They greeted Burt and Carole with hugs and well-wishes, deliberately ignoring each other and side stepping around each other. Blaine refused to be the first one to crack which meant he had a feeling he’d be waiting a while.

After they put their things away in Kurt’s old bedroom, Carole brought Kurt into the kitchen to finish up dinner and Blaine moved to sit on the couch with Burt. 

“We could’ve come pick you up,” Burt said, sitting in his chair and turning down the volume on the television so they could talk.

Blaine smiled. He’d always liked Burt and Carole. He liked the way Burt supported Kurt, especially considering the volatile relationship Blaine had with his own father. And they’d only grown closer in the years since they’d first met. It meant that even though he and Kurt were fighting, Blaine felt completely comfortable in the Hummel home.

“It was fine. It’s a long drive. We didn’t mind,” Blaine said honestly. It had given him and Kurt a chance to get angry at each other for even a few more minutes before they had to pretend in front of Burt and Carole.

“So, how’s school been? We don’t hear from you guys near enough anymore. I know you two are busy but you should check in more often.”

“Sorry. Everything’s just been hectic,” Blaine said honestly, letting out a breath as he thought about how busy they really had been. He did feel bad they hadn’t been keeping in touch but he knew neither wanted to burden the Hummels with their problems. “And school is going good. I still don’t have any idea what I want to do.”

There was no judgement from Burt over his words but Blaine hadn’t expected there to be. “That’s natural, Blaine. You can’t expect to know what you want to do with the rest of your life at this age.”

Blaine knew Burt was talking about school but he couldn’t help but look towards the kitchen, think about marriage. He’d decided years ago that he wanted to be with Kurt for the rest of his life. Or… he’d decided years ago he needed to commit himself fully for Kurt to trust that he was never going to cheat again. It had only been a little more than a year ago that Blaine had known he would marry him if it meant keeping him.

Then he decided he had to forget about that, focus on the conversation at hand. No use dwelling on his marriage right now. He dwelled on it enough as it was. “Kurt knows,” Blaine said with a sigh. “Rachel knows. Jesse knows. I feel like everybody around me knows just what they want and I don’t.”

Burt frowned, turning to face Blaine completely but Blaine couldn’t look over at him. He felt guilty for talking about his problems, especially when he’d only been in the door for a few minutes. “That’s a lot of pressure. They’ve had those dreams since they were kids.”

“I mean, I wanted to be a performer when I was a kid,” Blaine said honestly but it hadn’t been the same for him. He and Cooper had dreamed of being on the radio, of being in movies. It was only once Blaine had met Kurt that he’d let his dreams drift to New York, to Broadway. When he’d been younger, he’d planned on following Cooper to California. “Now I just don’t know. Since I got cut from NYADA, since I saw what a mess Rachel made of her Broadway career…”

“You have plenty of time, Blaine. You don’t need to worry about making any crazy decisions right now,” Burt assured him. Blaine glanced up, seeing Burt watching him with an unidentified emotion on his face and he quickly looked away.

“Dinner’s ready,” Carole said cheerfully as Blaine heard the sounds of Kurt starting to set the table.

Blaine wasn’t sure how dinner was going to go and he kept to himself, letting Kurt talk to Burt and Carole. It was easier that way and Kurt was only too happy to go on about the musical that he was talking about. It wasn’t lost on Blaine, though, that he hadn’t heard most of what Kurt was saying. Kurt talked with such enthusiasm, a gleam of excitement in his eyes to express himself that Blaine hadn’t seen in a long time.

Kurt needed more from him. Kurt needed something different from him and Blaine wasn’t giving it. Hearing him talk now, it was obvious. Blaine just didn’t know what he was missing.

“I’m really exhausted. I’m going to head to bed,” Blaine finally said, letting out a breath as Kurt looked at him. “Thank you for dinner, Carole. I’ll see you guys in the morning.”

After a round of goodnights, Blaine headed upstairs. He changed into pajamas and laid down on Kurt’s bed, drawing the blankets around himself and picking up his phone. He had a new text message from Sebastian, a continuation from their conversation this morning about their Thanksgiving traditions as kids.

They’d been steadfastly ignoring the conversation they’d had before and Sebastian had refrained from mentioning Blaine’s marriage. But they also had been having more in-depth conversations. Blaine had learned a lot about Sebastian’s past, his childhood, and it had made everything Sebastian was make a lot more sense. Sebastian had been able to be a lot more honest through text than he would have in person, admitting just the previous day how much his parent’s divorce and his mother moving halfway across the world had hurt him.

Blaine opened the text, preparing to respond before he rested his cheek against the pillow and hitting the call button instead. He wanted to hear Sebastian’s voice, even though he knew he shouldn’t be admitting that even just to himself. 

“Five minutes back in Ohio and you’re already calling me?” Sebastian asked, amusement clear in his voice.

“I’ve been back in Ohio a few hours, thank you,” Blaine responded, feeling some of the tension draining from him as he relaxed against the bed. Lately, Sebastian had been the best parts of his day. 

Sebastian made a low humming sound in acknowledgement and Blaine could hear the shifting of fabric. “You sound exhausted.”

“I am exhausted,” Blaine admitted, turning onto his side and facing the doorway. He knew he should go to sleep but he needed some kind of interaction that wasn’t cold. Burt and Carole had tried but he knew they were Kurt’s family. No matter how nice they were, it had still felt awkward.

“Ohio is boring. It’ll do that to you,” Sebastian responded and Blaine could hear the teasing tone. It made something warm settle in his stomach, even as he knew it shouldn’t. “You should’ve gotten some sleep instead of calling me.”

Blaine shrugged, knowing Sebastian couldn’t see it. “I know. And I’m going to bed. But I thought the story of your mom setting the oven on fire cooking a turkey was better told than over text.”

Sebastian laughed and fortunately didn’t bring up the fact that it could’ve waited for another day. Instead, he launched into the story. “My mom never cooked when I was a kid. We had a maid and a nanny and a cook. But it was when her and my dad were arguing a lot so she decided to cook Thanksgiving on her own.”

As Sebastian continued talking, Blaine closed his eyes. He was tired but he wasn’t close to sleep. He needed to relax first. If it hadn’t been Sebastian’s voice, he likely would’ve picked up a book. This was better, though. He laughed at all the right places as Sebastian went on to a story of the power going out another night they were trying to do Thanksgiving.

“Why is your life so chaotic?” Blaine teased, looking up as the bedroom door opened and Kurt headed towards his suitcase to grab his pajamas. “I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

“Mmhmm. Get some sleep. Goodnight, Blaine,” Sebastian murmured.

“Goodnight,” Blaine said, ending the call and frowning at the look Kurt was giving him. 

“Let me guess. Sebastian?” Kurt asked dryly, grabbing his toiletries bag out of his suitcase and pulling it to his chest.

The words made Blaine rolls hie eyes, tired of the back and forth Kurt was doing. “Now you’re going to be pissed about him again? I already told you if it bothers you that much, I won’t be friends with him. You keep insisting it’s fine.”

Kurt set his jaw, looking like he’d rather be doing anything but having this conversation. Blaine could relate to that feeling but he felt that way more often than not when they were talking. “I don’t feel like arguing about you in my dad’s house. I’m getting ready for bed. Call Sebastian back. I don’t care.”

There was something in his tone, an honesty that made Blaine frown as he looked at Kurt’s back. He didn’t sound upset, just resigned in a way that made Blaine feel bad. And most of the guilt came because he didn’t feel as bad as he should.

***

Blaine and Kurt were doing as much as they could to avoid each other the next day, neither wanting to ruin the holiday for Burt and Carole, or really for each other, but neither wanting to interact. Blaine wasn’t angry at Kurt but he refused to apologize when he didn’t feel like he needed to. Not when Kurt resolutely refused to even consider doing something other than what he wanted on their holidays.

Still, Burt and Carole were smart and they knew the boys well. It was easy to see there was something the matter even though Kurt spent most of the afternoon helping Carole cook and Blaine and Burt were watching football and talking about the game.

Blaine almost let himself forget, pretend there was nothing the matter. After dinner and dessert, Carole and Kurt sat with them into the living room, both of them on the couch and Kurt showed her some costumes he was helping design for the musical. It was nice. 

Then Blaine’s phone rang and he grabbed it, pulling it close to see who it was.

“It’s Sebastian, isn’t it?” Kurt snapped out, moving a few inches away from Blaine so he could focus his entire anger at him.

Blaine didn’t know why that affected him so much but he had to blink away tears at his husband as Burt and Carole fell silent. He didn’t even know what to say at first, knowing he needed to respond. But there was a lump forming in his throat and he threw up his arms angrily. “Jesus, Kurt, it’s Cooper,” he choked out, standing up and heading towards the front door.

As he slammed it shut behind him, he accepted the call. It was freezing outside, stars shining down from the night sky, and he wished he’d grabbed a jacket but his anger was keeping him warm enough as he walked.

“Good evening, baby brother! I wanted to call before you fell into a food coma. Happy Thanksgiving!”

Blaine smiled slightly, forcing himself to take several deep breaths because Cooper didn’t deserve his anger. “Happy Thanksgiving to you too. Did you do anything fun?”

“Ah, I’m happy you asked. You see, there’s this girl, Miranda, who is friends with one of the hairdressers on set of the show I’m working on. And when she heard I was all alone by myself a country away from my family, she insisted I come over. I told her I had to step outside before we have more pie,” Cooper said excitedly. It was so genuine that Blaine felt happy for him.

And despite his anger, Blaine had to laugh. “Did you tell her you’ve been living in California for more than a decade now?”

Cooper made an amused sound. “No, of course not. I graciously accepted her hospitality and enjoyed myself,” Cooper said. Blaine went and sat down on a bench when he reached the park on the corner of the street, resisting the urge to pull his knees up to his chest like a child. “What are you and Kurt doing? You’re in Ohio, right?”

“Yeah,” Blaine said slowly, reaching up to rub his eyes again. Just hearing Kurt’s name was making the emotion well up in him again and he knew he was going to start crying. It was awful, how upset Blaine was all the time. 

“Sounds like there’s a story there. Things aren’t any easier? How’s compromising going?”

Blaine laughed, even though he didn’t find it very funny, reaching up to rub a few tears away. “I just feel awful all the time. It was so easy when we were in Ohio again last year but I wonder if maybe… maybe we’re just too young, too different. Maybe we aren’t compatible after all. But I don’t want to give up.”

Cooper blew out a breath and Blaine could practically hear him thinking. “Maybe that’s your problem, Blaine. You’re thinking of it as giving up but is it? If you’re not happy, if you’re finding out as adults that you’re not compatible, is it really giving up to admit your marriage isn’t working?”

“But we’ve been through so much!” Blaine said and deep down, he knew it wasn’t a good argument to keep a marriage together. It didn’t stop him from trying. “And I do love him, Cooper. I love him and I want him to be happy. I just feel like all we do is fight. He’s doing this musical at school and… he doesn’t want to talk to me and the thing is… Cooper, I don’t care. I don’t care that he’s keeping secrets. I’m excited for him but… I don’t care anymore, not the way I should. Not the way I did.”

“Is that so bad, Blaine? You moved on from him once. Even moved in with that guy, what was his name?”

“Dave,” Blaine said, dully, not wanting to think about him. He knew no matter how nice Dave had been about the situation, Blaine had hurt him and for what? For Blaine to be sitting in a cold Ohio park crying because he was unhappy with Kurt? 

Cooper snapped his finger, barely audible over the phone. “Yeah, Dave. You moved in with him. You were able to be happy without Kurt, coaching the Warblers, doing things you wanted. Then Kurt came back and you just… you got back together because that was his choice. It’s not giving up to admit you’re not happy.”

Although it didn’t happen often, sometimes Cooper came up with perfect little gems that accurately expressed Blaine’s emotions. He did pull his knees up to his chest, resting his chin on his knees and thinking about that. “What if I give up and then we change our mind again?”

“Have you ever felt like you do now?” Cooper asked, his voice surprisingly gentle.

Blaine sighed quietly because he didn’t think he had. When Kurt had come for him in Ohio, he’d thought things would be different. Kurt seemed to want him, was willing to work, change, pursue Blaine for a change. And that wasn’t necessarily fair but Blaine had liked feeling wanted after Kurt had pushed him away so clearly. 

Now, Blaine felt like Kurt was back to not caring if Blaine was there or not. 

_“We had a great run, but let’s just call it quits before we completely hate each other.”_ Blaine could still hear Kurt’s voice in his head, as clear as it had been when he’d first said it. He would never forget what it felt like to be broken up with in that way by Kurt with such matter-of-fact words. The worst part had been that Kurt wasn’t even upset then. It wasn’t until months later, when Kurt had been alone in New York, that he’d finally seemed to miss Blaine. 

What if they had made a mistake?

Blaine had felt like Kurt was leaving him behind for months and then he’d cheated but honestly, even when he’d gone over to Eli’s house, he’d still wanted Kurt with everything in him. And he’d spent months fighting to win him back, to make Kurt see he could still trust him to hold Kurt’s heart. When Blaine had moved out, when Blaine had felt insecure about his body, when Blaine had been planning their wedding, all along, Blaine had just wanted Kurt to notice him, to give him something, anything. 

But Kurt never had. It was naïve to think Kurt hadn’t noticed Blaine’s struggles and insecurities but Kurt had rarely done anything until it was too late. 

Then Blaine had started dating Dave and for the first time, he’d felt what it was like to be in a relationship where he didn’t feel like he was walking on eggshells all the time. Seeing Kurt again, having Kurt tell him that he loved him after hurting him, had affected Blaine and he’d taken Kurt back. But what had Blaine been feeling?

“I don’t think I’ve felt the same for him since we lived together for the first time in New York. I dated Dave and I… didn’t want Kurt. He was still special to me but it was true that I was moving on. I told myself I’d never forgive him but then he came to Ohio and he _wanted_ me and I forgave him. And now I’m here, married to him… We just had our first anniversary. And I feel like I should be happy right now. But I don’t… know if I love him anymore.”

Blaine felt awful admitting it, crying again as he rested his eyes against his knees instead, chewing on the inside of his lip. He didn’t want to hurt Kurt again, not after all of this. What if they got a divorce and Kurt got into a new relationship and Blaine realized he was in love with him? What if Blaine asked for a divorce and he realized how much he loved him, like when he cheated?

He knew it was different but divorce was something huge. And he didn’t take the fact that he had the power to break Kurt lightly either.

“I think you have your answer, Blaine,” Cooper responded, clearing his throat as there was a sound and then Cooper covered the phone, talking quietly for a moment before focusing n Blaine again. “I actually have to go but you can call me when you get back to New York.”

“Okay. Thanks for listening, Cooper,” Blaine said quietly, rubbing his eyes with his sleeves. He knew he had to look like a wreck.

“I love you. Have a good night.”

“Love you too,” Blaine responded before he ended the call. He knew he should make himself look presentable but he couldn’t.

His eyes were burning as he headed into the Hummel household, finding Burt and Carole sitting on the couch, talking quietly to each other.

“Kurt went to bed. Do you want to talk?” Carole asked, her voice too sweet. It made Blaine want to yell but he knew it wasn’t her fault.

Instead, he shook his head, reaching up to rub his eyes again. “No. I don’t want to talk,” Blaine said honestly. Talking to Kurt’s parents was the last thing he wanted to do. “I’m just going to sleep in the guest bedroom if that’s okay. Goodnight.”

Burt tried to say something else but Blaine walked away before he could finish his sentence. It was ruder than Blaine had ever been to his father-in-law but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

He didn’t even bother to get his pajamas from the bedroom, thankful his toothbrush was already in the bathroom. After brushing his teeth, he went to the guest bedroom, laying down and pulling the blanket over his head. Then he grabbed his phone, pulling it underneath with him. Sebastian had texted while he was outside.

_**Sebastian Smythe**  
I hope you had fun with the in-laws. Stacy brought over food and she managed to burn mashed potatoes which I didn’t know was possible? I need to stop letting other people cook for me._

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson**  
Can you cook? _

_**Sebastian Smythe**  
No but that’s not the point. _

Blaine let out a breath, typing out a text and sending it before he could think about it.

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson**  
Am I easy to take advantage of? _

Sebastian took so long to respond, Blaine almost fell asleep. The text chime jolted him awake and he quickly opened the text, surprised by how long it was.

_**Sebastian Smythe**  
Yes. You’re too nice. Even our friendship when we were teenagers was you being way nicer than I deserved. That’s just an integral part of your personality and I don’t necessarily think you should change it. You just need to be careful that the people you let in care about you as much as or more than you care about them. _

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson**  
Thank you. Goodnight, Sebastian. _

_**Sebastian Smythe**  
Good night, Blaine. _

Blaine put his phone to the side, closing his eyes as he tried to reconcile in his mind who was on which side. Did Kurt care as much as Blaine did? And did Sebastian?


	7. Chapter 7

Blaine was rubbing a towel against his wet curls when he heard the front door open and he sighed quietly. The hot and cold nature of his husband was starting to grate on his nerves but he was too scared to do anything. They both acted like they were waiting for the other to take the last, drastic step although neither were willing to take it themselves.

Kurt peeked his head into the bathroom, his phone up to his ear. “Rachel’s on the phone. They’re all going out. Do you want to come?”

“Sebastian’s coming over for movie night,” Blaine responded, looking into Kurt’s eyes and trying to determine the mood his husband was in.

There was nothing malicious in Kurt’s eyes, just a curtain falling, preventing Blaine from seeing his real feelings. “Do you guys both want to come then?”

Blaine shook his head, not wanting to go out with them all. The last thing he wanted was for the two of them to fight in front of Kurt’s friends like they had in front of Kurt’s family. Besides, Blaine really did just want to relax and watch a movie after a long week of homework and classes. 

Kurt looked relieved anyway and Blaine left the bathroom so Kurt could get ready instead. Blaine headed to the bedroom, pulling on an outfit that was much more comfortable than flattering. Then he sat down at his desk, grabbing his tub of hair gel. He opened it and stopped. Lately, he’d been putting just a touch in even when he wasn’t leaving the house on weekends, when the only person who’d be seeing him was Kurt who had seen him in a lot worse state than just no hair gel.

Then he shook his head, putting it away because it was just Sebastian. And Blaine didn’t feel like he needed to put any in his hair.

Instead, he went out to work on homework in the meantime. Kurt gave him a perfunctory kiss on the cheek when he left and they wished each other good nights. It wasn’t lost on Blaine that he couldn’t recall the last time they’d told each other they loved each other. It wasn’t that Blaine didn’t love Kurt but he was starting to believe what he’d said to Cooper at Thanksgiving.

He didn’t love Kurt that way anymore, at least he didn’t think.

Sebastian knocked less than an hour after Kurt left, coming in with his bag in case they did homework afterwards. Blaine got up, greeting him with a hug. They sat down with popcorn and soda, putting Guardians of the Galaxy in the DVD player and sitting down on the couch.

“Have I mentioned lately how good you look with your curls?” Sebastian asked as Blaine waited for the loading screen, pointing the remote at the television.

Blaine looked over at his words, his face flushing red as he smiled over at the other man. “I’m glad you think so but you’d be the only one,” Blaine responded easily, reaching up to touch the curls resting over his ears.

“I’m quite sure that’s not true. Besides, you don’t give people a chance to see them,” Sebastian murmured, shifting so he was leaning against the armrest, looking at Blaine with such heat in his gaze that Blaine had to look away.

“Maybe someday I will,” Blaine said, letting out a breath as he turned back to the television, clicking play and adjusting the volume. “So, do you have any plans for Christmas?”

Sebastian shrugged, making himself comfortable, half-facing Blaine and half-facing the television. “Not sure. I considered going to Ohio to see my dad but Reggie and Stacy are going to Florida to visit her family so I might just stay since the apartment will be empty. What are you and Kurt planning?”

Not looking over at Sebastian, Blaine bit his lower lip. He was wishing he hadn’t brought up the subject. “Kurt want to go to Ohio for Christmas. I’d… I don’t know. I’d really like to go to California to see my brother, Cooper. Or, honestly, anything but Ohio again. My family is never in Ohio for the holidays and I don’t like going every holiday. It just gives me bad memories.”

“Didn’t you two just go to Ohio for Thanksgiving?” Sebastian asked and Blaine looked at the television, unable to meet Sebastian’s gaze.

“Yes, but we have a lot of reasons to go to Ohio,” Blaine said, knowing the words sounded wrong coming from his mouth. They were Kurt’s words, not his. Kurt didn’t like his parents to be alone for the holidays, he worried about his father ever since he had cancer, it was closer and cheaper and a whole list of other things that Blaine didn’t want to get into. “You should see the McKinley glee club, though. They’re always back in Ohio.”

Sebastian hummed in acknowledgement of the words, shifting a bit as he seemed to focus his attention on the television again for a scene. “Why don’t you go to California and Kurt goes to Ohio?”

Blaine didn’t want to admit he’d even considered that. “We’re married. We do things together.”

“You do things that Kurt chooses.”

The words were true but it didn’t mean they didn’t hurt. Blaine pressed his lips together, glancing over to see Sebastian looking at him with a stubborn expression. “Sebastian, can we… please not do this? I know I started the conversation but I just… I can’t.”

Sebastian seemed to deflate, his features softening as he nodded. He leaned forward, just enough so he could touch Blaine’s cheek gently, a much too intimate touch that Blaine couldn’t even think of pulling away from. “I’m sorry. I keep telling myself I’m going to let the topic go and then…”

“It’s okay,” Blaine said quickly, quietly, shifting so he was closer to Sebastian, close enough that their thighs were touching on the couch. Sebastian seemed surprised by the movement but he wrapped an arm hesitantly over Blaine’s shoulders. Blaine tensed for only a moment, knowing this was too much, too far, but he stayed where he was. “This movie’s one of my favorites.”

“Me too,” Sebastian murmured, looking over at the other boy as his fingers slowly moved to Blaine’s hair, twirling teasingly through the curls.

Blaine breathed, looking up at him through his eyelashes. They were too close. Way too close. Blaine knew he had to pull back but he leaned his cheek against the couch, instead, content just to look at the other man, movie forgotten. Sebastian didn’t seem to be in any hurry to move away, his hand shifting so he was stroking his fingers through his hair.

It was comfortable, too comfortable, as Blaine and Sebastian slowly focused their attention back on the movie. Blaine wasn’t even aware he was closing his eyes, comfort over Sebastian’s fingers in his hair, their bodies close enough that he could feel the heat from Sebastian. 

Blaine was calm, relaxed, and he was falling.

He didn’t wake up until he heard the front door close. He immediately opened his eyes, feeling a warm body under his. He and Sebastian had shifted in their sleep, Sebastian mostly reclining against the armrest and Blaine leaning against him. Sebastian’s arms loosened around Blaine as Sebastian jolted awake under him. 

Blaine jumped up, his eyes wide and his cheeks pink as his eyes met Kurt’s. He opened and then closed his mouth, unsure what there even was to say.

“Dani did too many shots. Threw up in the bar. I’m back early,” Kurt said, his voice too high, brittle in a way that made Blaine worried he was going to be sick. He expected something else, an argument, something angry, but Kurt turned away from them, heading down the hallway.

Blaine looked over at Sebastian but he knew there was nothing to be said. Sebastian seemed to agree, knocked speechless for probably the first time since Blaine had met him.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow?” Sebastian finally forced out and Blaine wanted to reach out, wanted to touch him again.

But he couldn’t. He was married and he owed Kurt at least something. Instead, he nodded, not even waiting for Sebastian to leave, before rushing to the bathroom. No matter what happened, he didn’t want to hurt Kurt and he was prepared to comfort him, to assure him. But he found Kurt calmly washing his face, as if it was nothing.

“Kurt…” Blaine said quietly and Kurt looked at him in the mirror over his shoulder, raising his eyebrows. “We were just watching the movie and fell asleep. Nothing happened, I promise.”

Kurt wiped his face and then lowered the washcloth, looking at Blaine. He looked serious but confused, as if he was unsure about something. Blaine wasn’t sure what it was. “I know nothing happened,” Kurt said quietly, looking down at the washcloth in his hand and blowing out a breath. “You want something to happen, though, don’t you?”

Blaine froze, opening and then closing his mouth. He knew he had to say something but he couldn’t lie. The truth was… he did want something to happen. He liked Sebastian, in a way that was completely separate to the way he cared about Kurt. “I love _you_ ,” Blaine responded which was the truth. He didn’t love Sebastian.

He could, though. He had a feeling it would be startlingly easy to fall in love with Sebastian if he let himself. But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t.

“I know. I love you too.” Kurt turned towards the mirror again, rinsing the washcloth under the water for too long. “Just… go to bed, Blaine. It’s okay. I’ll be there soon.”

Blaine felt like his heart was going to pound out of his chest, his entire body trembling as he got ready for bed. He slid under the covers, feeling guilty over letting Sebastian touch him, over liking it, over how much he liked him. 

_**Sebastian Smythe**  
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. _

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson**  
I can’t do this right now. I’m sorry. _

The next morning, there was no response. Blaine supposed that was for the best. Kurt had come to bed the previous night, kissing him softly and then rolling away from him to sleep. Now, the bed was already empty even though it was still early on a Sunday morning. Blaine didn’t know what to do, what to say to Kurt to make him understand he was going to make their marriage a priority.

One last chance, he told himself. He and Kurt deserved that, didn’t they? One last chance because Blaine couldn’t hurt him. That look in Kurt’s eyes yesterday… Blaine couldn’t put that look back in them.

***

_**Rachel Berry**  
Jesse and I will be there soon! We were running late! Don’t let the plane leave without us! _

_**Kurt Hummel-Anderson**  
I don’t think we have the kind of power to keep them from flying the plane. _

_**Rachel Berry**  
Blaine, you’re my only hope! Don’t ruin Christmas! _

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson**  
I’m sure you’ll get here in plenty of time to make it to Ohio for Christmas. _

_**Jesse St. James**  
Have you ever met Rachel? _

_**Rachel Berry**  
Traitor. _

***

It had been less than a month and Blaine missed Sebastian. They had texted off and on but Blaine had taken a step back. Kurt had assured him that he really trusted him, that he didn’t care if Blaine and Sebastian were friends, but it wasn’t enough. 

The worst part, as the weeks went by, was that Blaine missed Sebastian more than he missed his husband. He and Kurt were on completely separate schedules as well. Their apartment sat empty more often than not, the two going out with friends or to the library or to coffee shops around town in an attempt to just not be there. 

It was the first day of spring semester and Blaine waited until after his first class before he went to the coffee shop, not wanting to run into Sebastian. It was probably cowardly but he didn’t know what to say to him. Not when his future was so up in the air.

Blaine got in line, hearing a huff behind him and he turned, his jaw dropping as he saw Sebastian stepping into the shop behind him.

“I’m here later so we wouldn’t run into each other,” Sebastian said, his voice harsh in a way that didn’t completely disguise the hurt in it. He looked Blaine up and down, from the gel in Blaine’s hair to the dark pants he was wearing.

Blaine shook his head, sighing quietly and reaching up to rub his eyes. “You don’t need to do that.”

“Blaine,” Sebastian said with a quiet sigh as they both stepped forward in line. “I’m trying to do this for you. I know I don’t have the best track record but I don’t want to ruin your marriage.”

“I know,” Blaine breathed and it was the truth. He had known probably since the beginning but at least since Halloween. He knew Sebastian was better, more mature than he’d known him. They were friends because they enjoyed being around each other, not because of any ulterior motives on Sebastian’s part. “That doesn’t mean I don’t miss you.”

Sebastian looked at him, opening and closing his mouth in a way that didn’t seem to fit him. He let out a breath. “I… I just want you to be happy, Blaine. I care about you being happy… more than I care about my own happiness.”

And he was calling back to the text messages they’d exchanged during Thanksgiving break. He had known Sebastian had been talking about himself but hearing him admit it knocked the breath out of Blaine. He shook his head, licking his dry lips and trying to think of how to respond.

“What did you end up doing for Christmas?” Blaine finally asked, knowing it wasn’t very brave to change the subject that way.

Sebastian frowned. “I ended up staying home. It was nice. I got a chance to do nothing. I read, slept. Nothing fun. What about you?”

“Ohio, of course,” Blaine murmured, a bitter edge to his tone as his head tilted up so he could look at Sebastian.

He saw Sebastian lean in but he couldn’t have pulled away if he had tried. It was like Sebastian was a magnet, drawing him closer. Ever since they’d fallen asleep on the couch together, or maybe ever since they’d met again in this coffee shop, or danced together at Scandal’s, or met in the Dalton choir room, this had been inevitable.

Sebastian’s lips were hard against his, his hands coming up to gently rest on Blaine’s upper arms. His grip was firm, the kiss bruising, desperate, but brief. Sebastian pulled away, looking at Blaine with openness on his face like Blaine had never seen before. It looked like he had gotten caught unaware, like he had no idea what he’d done.

Blaine could only stare, his lips parting as Sebastian shook his head before stepping out of the line and walking out of the coffee shop. Blaine was having trouble catching his breath, knowing he should chase after him. They had to talk about this. They couldn’t just pretend this was nothing.

But he was scared, terrified, of having to have this conversation with Kurt.

Instead, he stepped out of line himself, his stomach churning and he didn’t want coffee anymore. He headed to class. He’d gotten good at ignoring his feelings lately.

***

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson**  
Can you come over? We have to talk. _

_**Sebastian Smythe**  
I’d prefer not to. _

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson**  
Sebastian. We can’t pretend that didn’t happen. _

Blaine stared at his phone, as if willing the other man to respond. Then he went to make himself coffee, knowing he had to look awful. He’d had a hard time sleeping the night before, tossing and turning and thinking about the look on Sebastian’s face when he had walked away. He knew he should’ve told Kurt about what happened but he couldn’t – not when things were still so up in the air between him and Sebastian.

He’d nearly come home from class a dozen times, afraid he was going to get sick. He’d finally made it through his classes, doing a lot of thinking of what he had to say to Sebastian.

_**Sebastian Smythe**  
Okay. I’m assuming Kurt isn’t home? _

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson**  
Right. _

_**Sebastian Smythe**  
For how long? _

_**Sebastian Smythe**  
I just need some time to clear my head before I come over. _

_**Blaine Hummel-Anderson**  
He’s going out with his friends so he’ll be gone until at least midnight. _

_**Sebastian Smythe**  
I’ll be over soon. _

***

Blaine couldn’t concentrate on anything. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He’d told himself he would give his marriage to Kurt a chance but it had been nearly a month and they were both over it. It didn’t make it okay for he and Sebastian to have kissed but didn’t it mean something? His head was a mess because his marriage to Kurt and his feelings were Sebastian were two separate subjects but he knew they depended on each other. If Sebastian hadn’t come back into his life when he had, he would’ve felt this way about Kurt eventually but not yet.

The knock on the door startled Blaine and he took a deep breath, trying to steel his nerves before he answered it.

Blaine hadn’t known what he expected but Sebastian looked nearly as awful as Blaine felt. His eyes were guarded in a way that had Blaine frowning as he opened the door wider, letting the other man in. Sebastian shoved his hands into his pockets, stopping when he was nearly to the living room, turning to look at Blaine. 

“Do you want something to drink?” Blaine asked, mostly for something to say or do. He had thought about what he wanted to say to Sebastian but now that he was faced with him, it was wiped clear from his mind. 

Sebastian shook his head, his shoulders straightening as his hands clasped behind his back. If Blaine didn’t know him any better, it looked like the other man was completely unaffected. “I did a lot of thinking about what I wanted to say,” Sebastian said quietly.

Blaine glanced up at him, scared and guilty, feeling like a reprimanded child which was ridiculous. He hadn’t done anything wrong to Sebastian. Not really. He was married. There was no way Sebastian had expected something different from him. “Me too. Do you want to go first?”

There was a moment of hesitation as Sebastian seemed to consider the question before he nodded. Sebastian hesitated, the only sound both of them breathing, audible as they stared at each other in the small space. “I don’t think we should be friends anymore.”

And while Blaine had been toying with that idea himself, hearing Sebastian say it so nonchalantly made him freeze. “Because you kissed me?”

Sebastian shook his head, opening and then closing his mouth in a movement of indecision that made Blaine’s heart hurt. Blaine thought back to all of the moments that he’d been seeing the real Sebastian, the one behind the mask lately. It felt wrong for there to be walls between them again. “No. It’s because I love you.”

“Sebastian…” Blaine said, an automatic response as he felt tears prick his eyes. He wanted to tell Sebastian that he couldn’t say such a thing, not when Blaine was married. But this was different. This wasn’t a sexual innuendo designed to make Blaine blush and squirm. This was real, genuine, probably the most honest Blaine’s ever seen Sebastian in his life. It also had the potential to break both of them because Blaine couldn’t say anything other than his name.

He couldn’t say he loved Sebastian. He didn’t. His entire heart was focused on his husband but he knew falling in love with him would be as easy as breathing. It would be a natural progression of their relationship.

“No,” Sebastian interrupted him and he was finally starting to show emotion, his hands leaving his pockets as he took in a shaky breath. It hit Blaine that he was seeing Sebastian, really seeing him for everything that he was, for maybe the first time ever. That Sebastian was finally letting him see everything at this: their goodbye. “I have to say this and you have to let me. If, after this, we leave and we never speak again so be it but I have to say this now. I love you, Blaine. I didn’t plan for this. But it’s the truth and I can’t stand here and watch you be married to somebody who doesn’t make you happy.”

“I told you I was married. You knew that!” Blaine said, deciding anger was the best option. Anger felt better than the despair he was feeling, the hurt over the idea of letting go of Sebastian. Of never seeing him again. That thought brought terror to his chest. “What did you expect?”

Sebastian’s jaw worked, the veil falling little by little as Blaine saw the pain Sebastian was trying to hide. “Not this! I thought- Jesus, I thought you’d be deliriously happy and I could prove we could be friends without me fucking everything up again. But the more we’re around each other, the more I hate it because he is horrible for you. Your relationship is ruining you. You deserve to be happy, Blaine.”

Blaine felt Sebastian slipping through his fingers as if the sensation was something physical. How could he begin to deny what Sebastian was saying? “So, what are you trying to say?” Blaine asked, his voice shaking so bad he wondered if Sebastian could even understand him. “A relationship with you would make me happy?”

“I don’t know!” Sebastian responded angrily, throwing up his arms and walking several paces away before he came back. Blaine was shaking too much to even think of moving. “I mean, I’ve never even been in a serious relationship, Blaine. I’d probably be fucking awful at it. But him making you unhappy has nothing to do with whether we’d work or not. If he made you happy then I’d deal with it. I’ve dealt with it, watching the two of you, helping you propose. It was worth it because I thought you were happy. But you’re not – not anymore and maybe not ever.”

Tears were streaming down Blaine’s cheeks as he looked at him, clenching his fists at his sides as he tried to get a handle on his emotions. Blaine wanted so badly to deny it but he knew he couldn’t. Sebastian knew him better than that and Kurt didn’t make him happy. Blaine wasn’t happy in his marriage, hadn’t been happy with Kurt for a long time, too long. 

They’d been happy once, back when they were in high school and things were easy. Then they’d grown up, grown apart. It was neither of their faults – not really. Blaine knew they both had their own issues that had worked against the two of them. 

“I don’t want to hurt him,” Blaine whispered, the words brutally honest. They were what was keeping him in his marriage, the idea that he owed Kurt something. After everything they’d done, how was he supposed to tell Kurt that he didn’t want to be with him?

Sebastian’s eyes softened, a look of such fondness in his eyes that Blaine’s heart skipped a beat. When was the last time Kurt had looked at him this way? Sebastian was right. His relationship with Kurt had nothing to do with how he felt for Sebastian. “Yet you keep hurting yourself,” Sebastian whispered, stepping forward. 

Blaine couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe as Sebastian reached out, resting a soft hand on Blaine’s cheek, his thumb sliding along his skin. He knew he shouldn’t let Sebastian touch him this way but they were connected. He lifted his hands to Sebastian’s shoulders, having every intention of pushing the other man away but he couldn’t. His hands stayed where they were. “This is hurting me.”

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian whispered, looking at Blaine like he wanted to say something else. Their gazes were locked, searching for something in the other’s eyes. Blaine didn’t know if Sebastian found what he was looking for. He didn’t know what he, himself, was looking for. “I need to try to get over you. And you need to… figure out what you need.”

Blaine let out a broken sob as Sebastian pulled away, his own arms falling to his sides as he looked at the taller man. He felt like he was getting broken up with and he supposed, in a way, he was. He’d been using Sebastian to distract himself from his failing marriage and it hadn’t been fair. Sebastian had been giving him everything and Blaine had been giving him nothing.

What did he need? Honestly, he didn’t know. If Blaine knew what he needed, it would’ve been so much easier. But he knew. He’d known for months now as his relationship with Kurt had wilted like a flower, an ice wall forming between them. Neither had noticed until it was too late and they didn’t have the strength to come together again.

He’d been so busy giving his everything to Kurt. And Sebastian was giving him what Kurt should have which had been why Blaine had missed how drastically his marriage had been failing. Because Sebastian had been making him happy enough to distract him.

“I love you, Blaine. I’m always going to love you more than I should. But I can’t watch you like this. I’m sorry,” Sebastian said, softer, crying now, his eyes swept across Blaine’s face, as if memorizing his features.

Wrapping his arms around himself, Blaine shook his head, as if he could deny Sebastian’s words. He opened his mouth but what was there to say? He couldn’t. He was married and he couldn’t. It felt like his heart was in shards, stabbing him from the inside, breaths shaky as he watched Sebastian turn away from him and then turn back.

“Goodbye, Blaine,” Sebastian told him, leaning forward. He gave him plenty of time, plenty of room. Sebastian didn’t touch him at all, except for their lips as he kissed him. Blaine couldn’t think of pulling away. It tasted like salty tears and desperation, want and love. 

It was too much and he let out a gasping sob as Sebastian pulled back. This time Sebastian turned away and walked, his shoulders shaking, as if he was trying to hold in his own cries. 

The sound of Blaine’s apartment door closing behind Sebastian was like an explosion and the silence after was deafening. 

Blaine breathed out, holding onto himself for a long moment. Then he slumped down on the couch, wracking sobs making him shudder. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t do this.


	8. Chapter 8

Even though it had been several hours since Sebastian had left, Blaine still held his breath when he heard the front door open. There was no reason for Sebastian to come back and it was unlikely for the other man to come in without knocking. But god, he couldn’t help but hope. Maybe if Sebastian came back, he’d help him figure things out. They’d work together so Blaine could…

But he didn’t know what. He didn’t want to hurt Kurt but Sebastian had been right. His marriage to Kurt wasn’t making him happy anymore.

“Blaine, are you home?” Kurt called out before Blaine heard the sound of him dropping his keys in the bowl by the door.

Blaine told himself he wasn’t disappointed by the voice of his husband. He’d spent the past few hours thinking about Sebastian, wondering whether he should tell Kurt that Sebastian had kissed him, telling himself he couldn’t go after the other man. Every few minutes, he’d looked at his phone, hoping Sebastian had texted or called but not knowing what either of them would even say.

“Yeah,” Blaine answered, clearing his throat as he realized how scratchy it sounded. He took a deep breath. “I’m in the bedroom.”

Kurt came through the door, his brows furrowed as he saw that Blaine was sitting cross-legged on the floor, sorting through his bowties. “Hi,” Kurt said quietly, setting his bag down on the bed and kneeling down next to him. “What are you doing?”

Blaine shrugged, his eyes on the pile of bowties sitting on the sheet that he’d put on the floor. He picked up one of his polka-dot ties, setting it in a pile to put back in the closet. “I… I just felt like I needed to… I thought I’d organize.”

When Blaine didn’t say anything else, Kurt reached out, putting his hand over Blaine’s to still his movements. Blaine took a deep breath, determined not to let himself cry again. Now that his husband was here, he felt foolish over the action. No matter what problems they had, Kurt knew him well enough to know Blaine was melancholy when he organized his bowties. Besides, his eyes were undoubtedly still rimmed red, tear tracks evident on his cheeks.

“Blaine,” Kurt said and his tone drew Blaine’s attention. As soon as their eyes connected, Blaine felt his face crumpling. Kurt was looking at him with _that_ look, quiet sympathy with a harsh mix of cold distrust. It reminded him of when he’d cheated. “What’s wrong?”

Blaine shook his head, not sure what there even was to say. How was he supposed to explain to Kurt that after everything they’d gone through… he didn’t love him anymore? After Blaine had told Kurt he didn’t need to worry about Sebastian, that they were going to be fine. It didn’t feel fair. Marriage was supposed to be easy. They were supposed to last this time. Happily ever after, right? Reality felt like an ice bath.

“You’re sitting on the floor crying over your bowties, Blaine,” Kurt said and Blaine could hear the defensiveness behind his angry tone. He knew Kurt better than he probably knew himself and Kurt knew him. That had never changed. “What happened? Is it Sebastian?”

Blaine sighed, letting the bowtie slide between his fingers as he looked up at his husband. “No. No, Kurt. It’s us. Did we make a mistake by getting married?”

Kurt let out a breath, letting himself drop onto his knees as he looked at Blaine. He set his jaw, that same defensive look that meant he was trying to keep from getting his heart broken. And Blaine hated himself. “I thought you wanted to get married.”

Blaine took a shuddering breath and he could hear what Kurt didn’t say. His face crumpled again, looking down at the floor as he realized Kurt wasn’t saying he’d wanted to get married. “I did,” he said in a broken voice, pushing his pile of bowties away and pulling his knees up to rest his chin on. “But I thought marriage would… fix us. It would make us like we were before. It seems like we’re just back to being broken.”

“You want to be with Sebastian,” Kurt said, his eyes lowering as he sat cross-legged on the floor, looking uncomfortable. Blaine could relate.

Blaine shook his head because this wasn’t about Sebastian. He needed to come to terms with his feelings for Sebastian but this wasn’t what this was about. He felt like he was going to be sick and he sniffed, reaching up to rub his wet eyes. “I swear that this isn’t about him.”

Kurt laughed and he sounded as close to tears as Blaine felt, looking down at his hands. “No, it’s about us,” he said quietly and Blaine looked at him, hating the hurt he heard in his tone. “But he’s what made me realize everything, Blaine. When I came in to you and Sebastian on the couch, I… I knew I was supposed to be mad and jealous but I wasn’t.”

For a moment, Blaine could only stare at him, the words not seeming to make sense. Then he half lifted his hand before he stilled. “Kurt…”

“You’re my first love, my first everything. You’re always going to be so special to me and our relationship is something I’m going to cherish for the rest of my life,” Kurt said, shifting so he could pull his knees to his chest, mimicking Blaine’s position. “But I’m so tired of trying to feel something I don’t anymore. I’m sorry, Blaine.”

Blaine hated that this relationship had turned them into this. It had morphed into something that had only hurt them for so long. Something bitter twisted in his chest as he wondered whether they’d done what Kurt had warned them. Had they finally ruined everything just because they’d tried to hold on too tight?

“You didn’t want to get married in the first place,” Blaine said. Admitting it out loud for the first time felt like it freed something in him, something he needed to let go of. “I know that. I knew it even then but I tried to pretend that this was going to be okay. I wanted us to be happy. I _still_ want you to be happy, Kurt. More than anything. But… you’re right. I don’t… I don’t love you that way anymore. I’m sorry.”

Kurt reached out, tangling their fingers and squeezing gently. Just the touch of Kurt’s hand was enough to make him start crying again and Blaine lifted his free hand to attempt in vain to wipe away the tears. “You know, I never thought I’d say this as a teenager but… if Sebastian makes you happy then… I’m really happy for you. And I hope we can be friends again because I miss you.”

Blaine let his head drop, mourning for the marriage he’d wanted to have. “I miss you too,” he said honestly, letting go of Kurt’s hand so he could hug him. He didn’t know how easy it would be for the two of them to be friends but he hoped they could manage it someday.

They both cried as they held each other, knowing they were going to be happier this way but it hurt all the same.

***

Blaine’s heart was pounding as he stepped into the coffee shop. It was a Saturday and although he didn’t normally come in, he knew that Sebastian had one morning class and came for coffee and homework afterwards. He was nervous, afraid Sebastian wouldn’t give him a chance to talk. It was a silly thought.

Sebastian hadn’t cut off their relationship because of a fight or because he didn’t care about Blaine. It was because he cared too much. Blaine took a deep breath, looking over and he had to close his eyes when he saw Sebastian for the first time in weeks. Sebastian looked better than he had but not as good as normal. He stared blankly at the papers in front of him, his fingers tapping against the table and a cup of coffee next to him.

At least Blaine hadn’t scared him away from the coffee shop. Hopefully he hadn’t ruined everything, or waited too long. But they’d needed this.

Blaine bought himself a coffee and then stood at the counter, nervous to approach Sebastian. The choice was taken from him when his name was called and Sebastian looked up as if automatically, their eyes meeting. Sebastian didn’t look away but Blaine hadn’t expected him to. Sebastian wasn’t the type to run away from his problems.

“Hi,” Blaine said a few moments later, his voice shaking and his hand clenching his coffee cup to make it appear he wasn’t trembling. Sebastian looked him up and down but made no other move, his lips turning down into a frown. “Can I sit?”

Sebastian drew in a shaky breath as Blaine shifted awkwardly, hoping Sebastian wasn’t about to deny him. “Sure,” he said, the simple word sounding like it was forced out of him. He pulled his stack of books closer as Blaine sat down. Sebastian kept his eyes down as he straightened the pile of papers.

“I’ve been coming in for the past few days, waiting for you. I should’ve called or texted but… I thought… I wanted to talk to you in person and I wasn’t sure if you’d meet me,” Blaine said haltingly, his thumb rubbing circles on his coffee cup.

“I haven’t- I got a new coffee maker to make coffee at home,” Sebastian said softly, clearing his throat. Blaine wanted to reach out, needing to say so many things to Sebastian but he had prepared for this moment. While he’d been struck speechless last time, it wasn’t going to happen again. “It’s good. I haven’t been in lately. Today’s the first day.”

Blaine nodded and looked down, over towards the door, around towards the counter. Sebastian watched him curiously, obviously recognizing how nervous Blaine was. But Blaine was done trying to hide his emotions, especially from Sebastian. He was ready to be honest, no matter what that meant.

“I have to talk to you. And I considered waiting but… the truth is, just like you needed to say something last time, I need to get this out now.”

Sebastian’s brows furrowed, his head tilting to the side, looking at Blaine like he was somebody new. “What is it?”

Blaine set down his cup of coffee and folder of paperwork, his hands, wedding ring free, resting on the table as if he was trying to show he had nothing to hide. Sebastian didn’t even glance down. Blaine let out a breath and then smiled. He was going to be okay. The truth was, no matter what happened, he was going to be okay. He just hoped Sebastian would choose to be in his life after this.

Blaine ducked his head slightly, as if he wanted to hide before he seemed to realize what he was doing and lifted his chin. “I haven’t been fair. Not at all. Not with the way I treated you. I’m sorry, Sebastian. I was wrong. I used you for something that I wanted from Kurt; that I was giving him but he wasn’t giving me.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” Sebastian said immediately, even as he clenched his hand into a fist on the table. “You’re married. I knew that. I couldn’t expect anything else from you.”

Blaine let out a breathy laugh, his hands twitching on the table, as if he wanted to reach out for Sebastian. “But you should have been able to. I was selfish. The truth is, I’ve always been selfish when it comes to you. I flirted and texted with you without caring about your feelings or Kurt’s when we were teenagers because I couldn’t let go of you. And now, I did the same thing without realizing it and I hurt you both again. I thought I needed both of you. But… I didn’t. I liked loving and being with somebody. I liked loving him but I was happier being loved by you.

“And I took it for granted, that you love me.” Blaine looked down at the coffee cup but Sebastian didn’t look away from him. When Blaine’s eyes met his again, he felt calm, calmer than he had in probably years. “When you left, I broke down. Because you’re right. I don’t love him anymore. I’m not happy with him anymore and it hurt. A lot. I told him… almost everything and we talked for hours.

“I told him…” Blaine paused, tears and his emotions clear in his eyes. Sebastian reached out without even thinking about it, stilling before their hands connected, his eyes stuck on the fact that Blaine wasn’t wearing his ring. But Blaine reached out the rest of the way, grabbing both of his hands. “I told him that you make me happy. So happy, Sebastian. So, if I haven’t ruined everything, if you still love me, will you… give me a chance?”

Blaine let go of one of Sebastian’s hands so he could push the folder forward. Sebastian looked down and then opened it, his eyes going wide as they read quickly over the paper and then back up at him. “We’ve started our divorce proceedings but it could take a while. We agree on most everything so my attorney says it could be done in three months if we’re lucky. And I don’t want to have to wait but after everything I’ve done, I feel like it’s the fairest thing to both of you. I just need a few months to have this and then if you’ll take things slow, I wanna try with you.”

Sebastian shook his head, his eyes sliding down to their joined hands before he looked back up. He pushed the folder aside, closer to where his own papers were. “You would consider a relationship with me?” The words were emotional and Blaine let out a breathy laugh.

Then Blaine squeezed his hand. There was a look in Sebastian’s eyes that made Blaine believe in everything. “I’m so sorry it took me so long to realize and tell you. Believe me, I am incredibly disappointed in how everything turned out. But not for being led here. Not for being led back to you.”

“Blaine,” Sebastian breathed and his face broke out into a genuine grin, the kind that made Blaine’s heart stutter. “I just want you to be happy, remember? You can take the time you need and when you’re ready, we can see if there’s something between us. There’s nothing I’d rather do.”

Blaine breathed out, a sigh of relief leaving him without his permission. There was something so pure on Sebastian’s face, a word he never thought he’d ever attribute to the other man. But they were both different people than they’d been years ago. They’d grown up, gone through things that had changed them. And Blaine knew he’d always been overly optimistic in everything he’d done. 

But he could see a future between the two of them. He could see something working out.

Blaine had always fallen too hard and too fast. It had gotten him in trouble before. Blaine knew he was willing to be patient if he had to be.

“Besides, who’s going to watch the next Marvel movie that comes out with me?” Sebastian teased.

Blaine laughed, the tension leaving him as he let his head drop, knowing this was going to work out. He needed time but he couldn’t give up Sebastian completely in the meantime. They’d make a friendship work while Blaine tried to figure out who he was without Kurt _again_ and then they’d figure out who they were together.

“I can always give you Sam’s number,” Blaine responded, picking up his coffee and taking a sip while Sebastian shook his head playfully.

“He’s too tall. I need somebody at least three inches shorter to be my Robin,” Sebastian responded easily, looking at Blaine over the rim of his cup as he swiped his thumb along the back of Blaine’s hand.

And Blaine gasped dramatically, laughing and shaking his head. “That was rude,” Blaine said, looking down at their hands with a fond expression on his face. 

“You’ve got to be used to it by now.”

Blaine shook his head, biting his lip and looking at the other man with a genuine expression on his face. “I haven’t had enough time to. I guess you’re going to have to stick around for a while.” 

Sebastian’s eyes softened, the expression sending warmth from Blaine’s heart to his toes. 

They had time.

***

Blaine laughed as he was swept into a hug by his brother, looking at Sebastian over Cooper’s shoulder as the other man leaned against the car, distracted from putting their suitcases in the back. Cooper hugged Sebastian next, surprising the other man which Blaine didn’t think was fair. In the two years they’d been dating, Sebastian had spent more time with Cooper than Kurt had in much more time.

Sebastian got into the backseat so Blaine could sit up front, resting his chin on the seat next to Blaine’s shoulder, his hand coming up to play with the loose curls on Blaine’s head. Blaine leaned into Sebastian’s touch, relaxing even as Cooper cursed the LAX traffic.

“Miranda’s meeting us at the diner so you can finally meet her. And she’s excited to show you around UCLA.”

“Wait, I haven’t gotten accepted yet. Transferring my credits isn’t as easy as snapping my fingers and I don’t want to start over,” Blaine said quickly, his eyes wide as he thought about how grateful he really was for his brother’s support. “And Sebastian needs to get accepted to law school here. We’re prepared to stay in New York if we both aren’t able to come here.”

Cooper looked over at Blaine with his eyebrows raised, his thumbs tapping against the steering wheel. “Come on, you’re you, Blaine. You’re going to get accepted. And isn’t Sebastian a shoe-in for an ivy league?”

“I’m applying to a backup here, just in case,” Sebastian said as Blaine tilted his head to smile at him in the backseat.

They’d been planning the move for months, talking it over and trying to determine whether they were ready to take the next step. Moving across the country together was a big commitment. But Blaine wanted a fresh start and a career in the entertainment business that wasn’t Broadway. And Sebastian had shrugged, saying New York had nothing for him and he could practice law anywhere.

Blaine had felt lost for so long it had surprised him, how content he had felt when they were talking about it. Even if they didn’t end up moving – if one of them didn’t get into a college in California it wouldn’t matter. Blaine had been lost for so long but Sebastian was his anchor. They’d figure things out. They wouldn’t let each other fall. 

“So, tell me about the show you’re a part of. What’s it about?” Blaine asked, knowing it would be a good distraction. He remembered most of it but Cooper grinned, talking animatedly about the show he was a main cast member of now and all the publicity it had gotten lately. It was nice to see his brother so happy, especially when he was happy himself.

He and Kurt were still in irregular contact, not as close as they had been. They could never go back to being best friends, they both knew it. But they were friendly and they liked each other a lot more when they weren’t married. And Blaine had Sebastian. They loved each other and they worked hard to make each other happy every day. It was easy between the two.

Cooper pulled off the freeway only a few exits away, pulling into a diner that he’d taken Blaine and Sebastian to the first time they’d come and turned it into a tradition of sorts. Miranda was already standing in front of the building, giving them a wave as Cooper parked and bounded towards her.

“Sometimes you two are surprisingly similar,” Sebastian said, slipping an arm around Blaine’s waist as the two got out of the car.

Blaine smiled, leaning against him and breathing in the warm California air. It was almost Christmas and while it wasn’t hot by any stretch of the imagination, it was a lot warmer than New York. Cooper had assured him he’d get used to it if he moved and Blaine was ready for that. Even if they didn’t settle in California forever, he wanted a dream that was his. 

New York had always been Kurt’s dream but California could be his. It was something new that could be his and Sebastian’s. 

Blaine turned, wrapping his arms around Sebastian’s waist, resting his head on Sebastian’s shoulder and closing his eyes. Sebastian didn’t know what the hug was for but he reciprocated immediately, one hand rubbing Blaine’s back gently, the other sliding through Blaine’s curls. 

“You okay?” Sebastian asked quietly, pressing a quick kiss to Blaine’s temple.

“Better than,” Blaine told him, leaning up on his toes to kiss Sebastian sweetly. It was nice to stand together, even in the middle of a parking lot in California. They had their problems. It was inevitable. They fought. Blaine still had a dozen insecurities that they tried to work through and Sebastian tended to lash out when he was upset and he sometimes got jealous too fast, bad memories sparking his own uncertainties. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” Sebastian whispered, his breath warm against Blaine’s lips.

It was a partnership. That was all Blaine had wanted. 

“Come on, it’s freezing out here and I’m starving!” Cooper called from the doorway to the restaurant, exaggeratedly rubbing his arms as if he was going to get a chill even though it was in the high 60s.

Blaine laughed, reaching down to tangle his fingers with Sebastian and heading towards the restaurant with him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm on tumblr and twitter under the same username (xonceinadream) if you're interested. ♥


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